When love and money collide: A wife's financial fears for her family

Welcome to The Money Coach, a Times of Malta column where readers can ask questions about life's money issues. Send your questions about personal finances, inheritance, gifting or other personal finance topics to moneycoach@timesofmalta.com 

Dear Luca,

I am a 35-year-old mother of two children who have just started secondary school. I have been happily married for 12 years to my husband, who works as an architect, while I work for the government.

We agree on almost everything and rarely argue. However, we can never seem to agree on personal finances. I am very diligent when it comes to our family’s finances.

I make sure we follow a spending plan, maintain a robust emergency fund, and invest regularly. I even ensure we have all the relevant insurance in place.

My husband never takes an interest in this. Whenever I bring up the subject, he says: "You are good at this, I don’t need to get into it".

When I press him, asking what he would do if something happened to me and how he would manage if he never takes an interest, he shrugs it off. If I persist, he sometimes comments that I give too much importance to money.

This is really frustrating. He doesn’t even know how much money is in the account, assuming it’s always taken care of by me. I am genuinely afraid that if I’m not around, he will not be able to manage the financial basics of everyday life for himself and our children.

How can I get him to see some sense?

Looking forward to your guidance.

Worried Wife

Luca Responds:

Dear Worried Wife,

I understand your frustrations, but not everyone can handle the same responsibilities, and that’s okay. Your husband may feel overwhelmed by finances, possibly due to his upbringing or past experiences.

So, what now? You've already taken the lead, which is crucial since your husband isn't inclined or able to do so. I'm sure he contributes significantly in other areas of your relationship.

Your priority is that you continue doing what you’re doing: staying organised and on top of everything, including saving for retirement, keeping track of your forecast spending plan, and most importantly, enjoying life as well.

There are ways to get your husband more interested in money. How about framing financial information in a more positive and engaging manner? For example: “Great news, Charles! We only have 15 years left on our home loan. We’re even saving €100 a month since we refinanced it last year. That calls for a celebration.”

It’s adding that little bit of spice to it that can make a whole difference.

Keep him informed without sounding boring: “Guess what, Charles? When we’re 55, we can start reducing the workload or even retire, thanks to the €7,000 a year we’re investing. I’m already imagining the long vacations we can take.”

Furthermore, you can choose to organise your personal finance documents in colourful folders and leave them where your husband can see them.

He may be more inclined to flip through them if they’re easily accessible. Include all insurance policies and bank account details there.

Financial planning can be hard for some, but it doesn’t mean that your husband is a lost cause. A little bit of change in how this subject is presented to him may go a long way.

Best regards,

Luca

Luca is the founder of the Money Coaching Hub. Email him your financial questions or your response to today's question for a chance to be featured in a future column.