The second a student is getting upset and is seen to be negatively affected – emotionally, physically and educationally – intervention should take place, Aaron Zammit Apap and Greta Antignolo tell Amanda Lia. 

The first day of school seems to be a big deal for kids. Starting September, the air crackles with excitement – or dread – of starting afresh, discovering who will be teaching what and meeting new classmates. Faces they will be seeing every day, for the rest of the year.

Now imagine you’re still a child and your idyllic summer is over. Your heart already feels heavy from the realisation that you have no choice but go back to school. Mostly because you also know what awaits you there and it’s not just schoolwork. For some of us, there’s no need to imagine a thing because we’ve been through it at one point in our lives.

Aaron Zammit Apap

Children who experienced bullying in their previous scholastic year fear going back to school for this reason. Even if the behaviour might not be repeated, their fear and anxiety levels will probably go through the roof in anticipation of it.

To make sure bullying doesn’t happen (again), we first need to understand it. I reach out to bBrave’s secretary general, Aaron Zammit Apap, who has seen the birth of this NGO, and Greta Antignolo, bBrave’s vice president. Still in its infancy, bBrave is the first and only anti-bullying NGO in Malta.

There are so many forms of bullying that pinning it down to just one definition is extremely difficult, Dr Zammit Apap says. “But in its most basic form, bullying is when somebody abuses of their power of others, generally repeatedly,” he says.

Bullying can be verbal, social, physical, psychological, sexual, in the form of exclusion and now even online. Dr Zammit Apap adds that wherever there is human interaction, bullying is present. As a primary teacher herself, Antignolo also points out how bullying in schools has been a serious problem for years. Teachers, social workers and parents are facing this problem in their classrooms and even at home every single day.

This gets me thinking about my own experience. Way back when I was in primary school, there was this one girl who constantly threw mean words at me. I was not a confrontational child, so I decided to ignore her altogether. When I did, she got to the whole class and whispered made up stories behind my back. I’m aware that mine wasn’t the most terrible case of bullying. I know of others who were constantly under fire for the duration of their school years and well into adulthood.

In my case, I was told not to be soft and to stand up for myself. It is quite easy for someone to advise not to absorb negative messages and to simply let them roll off your back. I ask bBrave’s representatives what they think about this.

Each person may react differently when experiencing bullying

“It can work, but not always,” Dr Zammit Apap says, “It very much depends on facts and circumstances. There is no one solution that will invariably work. Words can hurt, and the damage inflicted by words can have longer-lasting effects. So, I would dispense with such advice limitedly, and with great caution.”

Dr Zammit Apap also believes that the you’ll-grow-up-and-forget mantra is “obscene when addressing serious bullying cases”.

Greta Antignolo

Back then, I guess we didn’t really have a word for it. It seemed like ‘bullying’ wasn’t recognised as such. “Kids being kids,” adults would mutter off-handedly. No one even batted an eye when bullying behaviour was exhibited, despite the continuous harassment some kids experienced. Sometimes it was even mistaken for conflict.

“For us educators, it is of vital importance to teach our students how to tackle conflict,” says Antignolo. “It is of the essence that educators realise when they need to intervene. The second the student is getting upset and is seen to be negatively affected – emotionally, physically and educationally – intervention should take place.”

Otherwise, the repercussions of bullying can be significant.

“Bullying may affect one’s self-esteem, and lead to one being socially withdrawn. Each person may react differently when experiencing bullying, ranging from having nightmares and losing appetite, to resorting to drugs, alcohol, self-harm, or at worst, taking one’s own life,” Dr Zammit Apap says.

Acknowledging that bullying is a problem is the first crucial step. Antignolo believes that all schools should not only have anti-bullying policies in place but more importantly, implement them. Dr Zammit Apap understands that every school has its own management style, some more effective than others. Unfortunately, despite policies being robust, enforcement may still be lacking.

Dr Zammit Apap believes there is so much that can be done to tackle bullying, starting by schools enforcing and communicating zero tolerance on bullying.

“There should be an unequivocal process of what happens if there is a bullying case: where and how it should be reported, how the report would be treated, and the sanctions applicable if it is confirmed. Teachers should be trained on how to deal with bullying cases effectively. Parents should be involved in most of the cases as a holistic approach is preferred.”

The bBrave NGO is also working on several initiatives for schools to develop a more coordinated approach. Back in April, bBrave piloted a drama production to convey the anti-bullying message to students. They are also in the preparatory stages of launching Malta’s first Anti-Bullying Week in line with the international Anti-Bullying Alliance. The 2019 theme is ‘Change starts with us’.

“We are all bystanders,” says Dr Zammit Apap, “and we all have a huge role to play. Bystanders are not the ones bullying or those being bullied. They are there, watching, absorbing the action.”

It’s easier to stand by and watch or simply turning your back. You wouldn’t want to be bullied yourself or stand up to your peers out of fear of being isolated and looking uncool. For those of us who witness such behaviour, don’t encourage it. The worst thing you can give someone who bullies another is an audience.

If you are the one who needs support, look for help.

“The first thing you should do is make sure you put yourself in a safe environment,” Dr Zammit Apap advises. “Share your experience with your trusted friends, someone who can offer words of comfort and advice. Talk to your teacher, your guidance teacher, the school’s counsellor.”

If you or your child is being bullied, there are several organisations in Malta that can offer you help, depending on the nature of the problem. www.bbrave.org.mt/i-need-help/ takes you to a list of organisations categorised by the type of bullying experienced. Seek the help you need. Going back to school shouldn’t mean going back to bullying.