The Commission on Gender-based Violence and Domestic Violence has chosen the theme of ‘voice’ for the 16 days of activism 2021 in Malta. The 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence is an annual international campaign that kicks off on November 25, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, and runs until December 10, Human Rights Day.
We have chosen this theme because of the importance of voice in conducting respectful relationships, in participating in society and democracy and in fighting for human rights. We speak of abuse when voice is suppressed, stifled, mocked or ignored.
Despite widespread information and educational campaigns, victims of domestic abuse still do not speak up. People are often tempted to ask: but why don’t they? Are they not to blame then, for remaining in abusive and violent relationships? Isn’t it their own fault when so many services are in place to help them?
Very often still, it is the woman in the abusive relationship who attracts a lot of flak from society in general, from acquaintances and even family. It is she who is ‘neglectful’, ‘provocative’, ‘unwise’, ‘ignorant’, ‘loose’, ‘unworthy’ and so on. The vicious criticism of women never seems to end. And this is where the insidious workings of the patriarchy are at work. This is the misogyny that some say does not really exist.
How, then, can we not understand what it means for someone under such scrutiny to make a move that, in the eyes of so many, may look like an admission of defeat and a confirmation of all their judgements? The emotional ramifications of embarking on an initiative that is life-changing, potentially risky and even dangerous are many for the victim of domestic violence.
Things are never as simple as the world makes them out to be and this is the rationale behind the theme chosen for the commission’s 16 days of activism campaign 2021. We all need to use our voice to question unfair stereotypes and to speak up for both ourselves and others who fall victim to discrimination and prejudice.
Domestic violence is a complex phenomenon and deserves to be interrogated in order that all its facets can be explored and understood. This will also serve for the drafting of policy that does justice to this complexity. The language we use is critical in discourses surrounding the subject of domestic violence, starting from the use of the term ‘domestic violence’ itself. This has been problematised by researchers in the field: there are theorists who argue that to use this term is to ignore or minimise the gendered nature of the issue.
Others suggest that the term prevents this violence from being connected to other forms of violence against women.
Indeed, violence against women is much broader than the domestic realm, encompassing crimes such as sexual assault by a stranger. To use the term ‘domestic violence’, then, is to overlook the way the issue is embedded in broader systems of patriarchy and gendered violent crimes.
Despite widespread information, victims of domestic abuse still do not speak up- Audrey Friggieri
Domestic violence can be broadly categorised as stemming from individual, cultural or structural standpoints or a combination of these. Individual perspectives view domestic violence as fuelled by factors such as alcohol and substance use and past experiences of abuse. Cultural standpoints foreground factors such as masculine and feminine ideals and the normalisation of violence as facilitating domestic violence and preventing it from being reported and addressed.
Structural adherents argue that the gendered nature of domestic violence is a result of the oppression and inequality women have been subjected to throughout history.
There are factors that may coalesce to produce unequal power imbalances within individual relationships and broader society and contribute to individuals’ experiences of domestic violence, such as social class, racial minority status, ability, age, sexuality and religion.
Much has been done to improve opportunities for the benefit of individuals going through domestic abuse and violence but we also have to look more into the barriers that may prevent people from taking that necessary step to speak up and to use their voice to finally embark on freeing themselves from oppressive situations.
Women in abusive relationships often speak of the fear they experience when contemplating reporting the abuse inflicted on them by their perpetrator: fear of escalating violence, fear of losing their home, fear of living in poverty, fear of losing family and friends, of being mocked, humiliated, blamed and losing all they have worked for and hold dear. They fear losing themselves for, very often, they discover that their whole relationship has been a lie.
Heartbreaking narratives tell of the horror of being abused by a partner they have loved selflessly, a loved one who has isolated them from their own family and friends and even from their own children sometimes, who regularly humiliates them for no reason and whom they continue to love, harbouring the impossible belief that things will one day fix themselves. But things never ‘fix themselves’.
Speaking out has consequences.
Perhaps no one is more acutely aware of this than a heartbroken, long-suffering abused person. Using one’s voice is not easy but silence will not change anything either. It will serve to keep you exactly where you are, walking on eggshells, diminishing yourself to accommodate your abuser, thereby allowing them to continue abusing.
It takes courage and strength to speak out and a determination to live the life you deserve. Speaking out is also of vital importance to protect any children in the family, who are also victimised by the toxic adult relationship in abusive homes.
Your voice can set you free. Your voice can save lives, including your own.
Look for help, for yourself or for others you know by calling 179.
Call 112 in case of emergency.
You are not alone.