Hot on the heels of the launch of yet another new and shiny Air Malta, the government, never satisfied to rest on its laurels, announced the launch of a new, improved, and even better Malta.
Like the airline, Malta 7.0 will begin operation on March 31, 2024, the old Malta having ceased to operate on March 30.
A beaming PM, flanked by his most senior ministers and a special cohort of consultants, advisors and persons of trust declared that it is time to, once again, move forward, build upon his previous successes, and make the country “the best” globally.
The PM was at pains to assure all Maltese that the change was in no way an admission of failure and that the transition from the old to the new Malta would be “seamless”. Ordinary citizens will notice no real difference, he added.
The country will, most likely, retain the same name, branding, behaviour, and leadership but in important (but unclear) ways, the two Maltas will be entirely different, although they will feel the same. Following years of systemic mismanagement and widespread political bankruptcy, the government had decided to adopt a new branding to avoid a crash landing.
Brand Malta, sold over a decade ago to private speculators, will have to be bought back by the government but this time the process will, most likely, be conducted by public tender. A spokesperson for the government explained that anyone with sufficient capital will be given the opportunity to bid for brand Malta.
The brand is currently owned by a number of holding companies registered in Panama, Azerbaijan, Dubai, the Isle of Man and a number of local addresses, in which the government (or entities partly owned by the government) might or might not have shares.
In response to journalists’ questions, the PM admitted a competitor might end up outbidding the Maltese government for its brand but dismissed the idea as a fantasy conjured up by the PN and other “negative” groups.
There was much speculation last night that a number of international networks might well be interested in acquiring the established Malta brand, with a view to diversifying its operations into new sectors.
The transition to Malta 7.0 will not be entirely straightforward, especially for local business interests, as they will now have to engage in a new competitive and transparent process internationally.
In a complicated and highly sensitive deal, the assets sold off by the old Malta will have to be bought back by the new Malta, as they are currently the property of a different Malta. Taxpayers will bear that cost. The PM also explained that the new Malta might be partly brought back into public ownership further down the road of the transition, but he did not wish to comment further on this.
While the PM insisted that the old Malta had been a major success story, the Minister of Finance admitted that it had been a loss-making proposition for taxpayers. To ensure seamlessness, the government has proposed to retain the same leadership and its large network of ‘experts’ on the same terms and conditions of access to resources and benefits.
The small print underpinning the announcement of the new Malta suggests that the country might become profitable for taxpayers as early as 2050, although the government’s financial backers remained wary of this claim.
In a government briefing ahead of yesterday’s announcement, citizens were assured that all those currently receiving any benefits from the old Malta will be given a 20-year grace period before any changes might be introduced. Anyone who resigns from the old Malta will be guaranteed a position in the new Malta on generous terms.
The government said it will remain ‘ever vigilant’ that the new Malta will be different but also the same.
In a separate development, government ministers and staff assured anyone concerned about the change to Malta 7.0, that their ‘customer care’ departments would be available 24/7 to ‘do’ Maltese politics on their behalf as usual.
The government indicated it was preparing a special briefing for those curious to know what was actually going on.