Stress No 1: the constant spraying. I met my sister at the supermarket this week – not coincidentally, of course; we planned it. Instead of dropping by at each other’s houses these days, the supermarket is having to make do. From 1.5 meters away, she took one look at my trolley and said, “Hmm, I can tell you’ve got a touch of OCD”. What? Why? I said. I looked down at the trolley which was more or less brimming with various brands of 99.9 per cent bacteria and virus killer sprays.
I admit, I am Kristina and I am in search of the optimum virus killer. Give me one of these pump sprays in hand and I feel like I have a weapon of mass (virus) destruction.
My daughter the other day asked if there’s a chance that we can die from Dettol vapour instead of the virus. You see, I’m making everyone at home take off their shoes by the door and I’ve become one of those people who might just give you a pair of blue plastic overshoes if you come and visit (luckily no one is visiting these days).
I don’t know what I would do if I were a chronic OCD sufferer. This must be torture for them. Pre-COVID 19, they had to battle the urge to wash their hands and the whole house, and now everyone is telling them that this is exactly what they must do. If we are stressed about all this cleaning, they must be a hundred-fold so.
Stress No 2: the trip to the supermarket. It’s like a dance – you glide from one aisle to the next trying to avoid people next to you. A friend of mine, tired of flitting away from people, started mock-coughing as soon as anyone crossed the boundary and people darted to the top of the shelves.
Supermarkets are also the triggers of that irritable anxiety: the sudden urge to scratch your chin, then your nose, then your temple. Argh. What is wrong with us? Surely, our faces never used to itch so much before? I’d love to avoid supermarkets but I have tried to shop online with every single big supermarket and there are no available slots for delivery before May.
We have to convince all our friends and family members, and you reader, if you are over 65 years, to stay inside
How can I live without the 99.9 per cent virus killer sprays till then? A friend came up with a supreme idea – and I’m writing it here maybe someone will take it up: can’t the supermarkets strike a deal with those rental car companies, whose cars are all idle in their garages, so they can be used for grocery deliveries to homes? Then we can all avoid supermarkets and the poor cashiers and stackers will be safe too.
Stress No 3: Chris Fearne or Robert Abela? Who do we listen to? The health minister says that all people aged 65 and over must stay home at all costs. Two days later, the prime minister scoffs it off. So, what do we do?
We just have to look at countries where the national health service is overwhelmed.
When it blows up in Malta, too, the medics will have to choose which people to treat, and which people not to treat because there aren’t enough staff and resources and those aged under 65 will be the ones given priority.
The others will be left to die without any family members close by due to the highly infectious nature of COVID-19.
It’s a difficult decision but I think we must listen to Fearne, who’s a doctor after all. We have to convince all our family members and friends, and you reader, if you are over 65 years, to stay inside. Let us do the shopping for you, while you rediscover the joys of your balcony, your books and video family calls.
Stress No 4: videocalls. Family calls are lovely and uplifting for all of us. But what about the video conferencing for work or study? Well, that brings with it its own stress.
Should I lock the room and bark at the kids not to come in, or it’s okay to be seen as a composed work-life balance juggler? (Answer: they come in, but you won’t look composed when you hiss-answer through clenched teeth their questions about food (always about food!)).
The background can also be a source of anxiety. Should you take the call in the open plan living room with the lovely bookshelf behind you, or in the remote utility room, the one which you keep promising yourself to redo? (Answer: the remote room otherwise the background will be the teenagers in the house chanting “What is there to eat?!”).
There’s also the question of what to wear: should I pretend that I normally stay at home in pearls and make-up? Or is it okay if I’m in my tracksuit? (Answer: read below).
Stress No 5: exercise. Soon, I think I’ll be videoconferencing with tank tops. Not just now, mind, but soon I’ll be all muscles.
Every afternoon, the daughter and I follow yoga classes on YouTube with a certain Adrienne and an aerobics class with a certain Daniel from Bodyproject who’s always telling us “We can do it!” “This is the time when we’re going to change our lives!” “Right now!”. “Right now!” we shout back as the stepson steps in to film us and posts the stuff on the family chat.
Ah yes, when all this is all over, I’ll be so toned and muscled that when the Significant Other will finally be able to travel back home, he’ll think he’s just fallen into Lara Croft’s arms.
Well, maybe this stress has some benefits after all. And just that thought there makes me reach out for the jar of Nutella. We can do it.
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twitter: @krischetcuti