“Dear mum and dad, at the moment I am going through a particularly confused period, changes that, for the great part, are typical of my age. If you do your best to understand me and to treat me well, I assure you we can manage to get on well and to overcome this phase of my life without many problems.
“I am now an adolescent. You must no longer control me just like when I was a child. Try to treat me like one of your adult friends. Keep in mind that I learn more from a good example than from a critical reproach.
“Opposition, resistance, stubbornness, rebellion and desire for independence are typical behaviour of an adolescent. Do not get angry when I do not agree with you, if I start showing attitudes, interests and opinions different to yours. In any case, remember that, now, I need you more than ever before.
“Avoid direct confrontations with me. Force creates winners and losers. In the past, when I was still young, you were always on the winning side but now we cannot say that the same thing must still happen.
“Set precise rules and relative consequences as to my conduct and apply them with coherence and in a calm and objective manner. Always seek compromise so we shall both be winners.
“Do not force me to do your bidding. Doing so would not only push me to be aggressive and irascible but you will also be teaching me that one can obtain all through compulsion. You will only render me more rebellious and obstinate. And, most probably, this will make me do exactly the opposite of what you had in mind.
“Avoid repeating to me the same things, asking me always the same questions and grumbling continuously. If you think you are doing it to protect me, do realise I will react by turning a deaf ear.
“True, we no longer have all the occasions to dialogue as we did once because I am too busy with my friends, with the mobile, the laptop and spending time in my room.
“Also, because of this, most of our conversations deal exclusively with you pointing out my failures, mistakes, telling me what I should do and not do and highlighting any other negative behaviour.
“You spend all your time preaching to me, from morning to evening, continuously speaking to me on the value of life and what responsibility means. Why not talk just for the sake of talking every now and then? Why don’t you try to speak about my successes, my interests, about things that please me?
“You must be patient. I know everything there is to know. The only people who seem to be my equal are my friends and companions.
“Within a few years, I will know how much I have learned from you during my adolescence and how much I still have to learn from life.
“Many times, I feel confused regarding the order of priorities. To me, my friends, the opposite sex, talking on the mobile and enjoying myself are more important than doing my homework, taking the garbage out or putting my room in order.
“It is not a question of being lazy but just that I want to do those things that are much more important to me. I prefer staying with friends than with you or the family. Do not be angry with me if I refuse to go out with you for dinner, spend time with you or see my grannies.
“At times, even little things you do get on my nerves. Even asking me how my day was irritates me. But, please, do not get too angry with me for this as I would probably be worried about something else and a simple question from you would be enough for me to erupt.
“Sometimes, I am angry with myself because I feel I am not fair with you. I would like to be kind and show affection but, at the moment, I just cannot. I do not want to trouble you. I would rather go through it all on my own.
“Then, there are times when you seem to be suffering from amnesia. You forget what being an adolescent means or that you delivered the same sermon the day before.
“You do not remember you already told me to put my room in order or that you already asked me 20 times whether my homework is done.
“It also looks as if you can no longer cook or do the shopping. There are never good things for lunch.
“I prefer having fries from morning to evening than what my mother prepares for dinner. (Of course, every time I am away from home, I miss her cooking.)
“I would like to be treated as an adult but, at times, I know I behave like a child.
However, instead of pointing this out continuously, tell me exactly what to do or not to do so I can shoulder the responsibilities and enjoy the privileges and freedom of an adult.
Fr Charles Cini“Even though it may not be evident, I need plenty of comprehension, encouragement and positive attention on your part. In this world, I can only rely on you.
“Your dear son, Thomas.”
Fr Charles Cini is a member of the Salesians of Don Bosco.