While many students may be looking forward to the new scholastic year, others may not be at all, especially after getting used to home schooling during the pandemic. Counsellor Karen Decelis says that some children may be overcome with anxiety and she gives parents tips on how to recognise the signs and deal with the problem.

Some students returning to school this year will most probably have a different experience to what most of us are used to.

Children have had a rocky two years, academically, even though most schools have done miracles to ensure they provided students with a safe and fun environment during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Before COVID, going back to school was associated with feelings of joy and excitement for most children: preparing their school bag, wondering which friends they were going to be in class with, wondering if their favourite teacher was going to teach them, thinking of their break time and extra-curricular activities such as choir practice, drama lessons and sports.

But just like there were always children who loved going back to school, there were always children who felt anxious and unhappy at school. COVID-19 has thrown a spotlight on these children. It is a reality that some children might have felt very comfortable in isolation, where they did not have to deal with the anxiety that school might bring.

The schools’ closure and the children having the option to stay at home provided a natural escape to such students. They did not have to participate in class physically and some could opt to switch off their cameras while studying online. Others did not even follow online lessons.

Some children might have felt very comfortable in isolation, where they did not have to deal with the anxiety that school might bring

School is extremely important for children. It is at school that they learn basic skills such as writing, reading, drawing, problem solving and cognitive skills. It is also at school that children gain knowledge on different subjects, have the opportunity to develop their talents and learn from teachers. At school, children make friends, learn how to socialise, have fun and share their troubles.

It is, therefore, crucial that those children who suffer from anxiety are listened to: so watch out for their verbal and non-verbal communication.

If a child tells you directly “I do not want to go to school”, then it is important to see what is going on. If a child does not tell you anything but you notice that they are avoiding activities they used to enjoy, are not eating or sleeping as much as usual and are irritable, then it might be necessary that you ask them what’s happening.

Why is your child so anxious about going back to school? Are they fearful of being separated from their parents and want to stay with them? Is someone bothering them at school or are they afraid someone will? Do they feel left out?

If your children are anxious about going back to school, check out the following tips:

Empathise with your children

Your child is not choosing to be anxious. It is not their fault that they are feeling so uneasy and overwhelmed. Tell them that you can understand that they are feeling anxious because they don’t want to go to school. Do not shout at them or judge them. Reassure them that you will be there for them through this difficult time.

Do not avoid school

Avoiding school might bring a quick reduction in immediate stress but lead to long[1]term difficulties. If your child stays at home, they will miss the opportunity to overcome their difficulty and cope with the situation. This avoidance might lead to the belief that the only way to experience relief from anxiety is to run away from their problem.

Remain calm

Children learn from their caregivers. If you remain focused and positive, they might relax, while if they see you anxious and stressed, they might pick up on that.

Go back to the school routine

All children benefit from structure but anxious children need it even more. Implement a new routine days before school starts. Set the bedtime and wake up time earlier and make sure that the children have less screen time to provide structure and make sure the children have a good night’s sleep.

Your child is not choosing to be anxious. It is not their fault that they are feeling so uneasy and overwhelmed

Ask them what is making them anxious

Speak to your children. See if there is anything in particular that is making them anxious and then practise approaching this situation. For example, if your child tells you they are anxious about speaking in class, you can role-play being the teacher and the student and make it a fun activity. Let them know that if they are asked something in class that they do not know, it is ok.

Work with the school

If you see that your children are extremely anxious, it is important to speak to the head of school and explain what is going on. In turn, they will speak to the class teachers and also the college’s psychosocial team in order to see how best to support the child. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help.

You can let the teacher know that when your child is anxious, they tend to start crying and they would only need some attention or distraction − you know your child best. A lot can be achieved when the school staff and home carers work together.

Most schools have counsellors trained to tackle mental health issues, who can give your children individualised attention and a safe space where they can process their difficulties.

Adjust your expectations

Understand that this is a difficult time for everyone: you as parents, your children, the schoolteachers, the senior management team and other practitioners. Everyone is having to adapt to a situation we have never dealt with before. Perhaps your child’s marks are not going to be what they usually are. It would be a good idea if you adjust your expectations and accept things as they are now.

Take care of yourself

This is the most important point. If you are anxious, overwhelmed, depressed or stressed, it might be too much for you to take care of your anxious child. Make sure you are eating well, sleeping, getting exercise, having some space for yourself, doing things that you love and feeling calm. If you feel that you yourself need help, it is very important that you seek assistance.

Low attendance in schools is a problem that has to be tackled. Absenteeism is not acceptable − children need to go to school.

It is understood and acknowledged that there are students who will not want to go to school, but it is of utmost importance that we help these children and guide them towards a happy and safe learning experience.

Karen Decelis is a counsellor and vice public relations officer of the Malta Association for the Counselling Profession (MACP).

This article was first published in this month's issue of Child magazine.