In this column and in my blog on timesofmalta.com I have often written that the debate about divorce divides people into pro and con groups. On the other hand, since there are no anti-family or anti-marriage lobbies of note, a debate on strengthening families would synergise all forces – the pro and anti-divorce groups included.
I am not saying we should not debate divorce. What I am saying is that we are discussing divorce more as a solution – in the mind of its proponents – of family breakdowns, than discussing ways and means that could be adopted to prevent family breakdowns, as much as humanly possible.
We should be discussing much more how these fundamental institutions for society could be helped to weather problems that they encounter.
Perhaps we do not do this enough as we are not really conscious of the enormous cost of marriage and family breakdown to individuals and to society. Each marriage breakdown means pain. Society, the spouses themselves, their friends and relatives, and especially the children are hurt. The pain is psychological, social and economic.
According to a 2008 study by the Institute for American Values, the Georgia Family Council, the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy and Families Northwest the cost of divorce and unwed childbearing in the US is estimated at a whopping $112 billion a year.
Divorce or no divorce, families do break down, and so it makes sense to invest in family care and assistance. Some years ago, the state of Texas, for example, allocated $15 million over two years for marriage education and other programmes. It was estimated that if this brought about even a less than one per cent decrease in family breakdowns, it would be cost-effective for Texas taxpayers.
This financial consideration is a factor to be considered. However, the financial loss is nothing compared to the human suffering involved when marriages and families break down. These situations result in anguish, stress and trauma. The family stops being a haven of support and becomes a source of tension.
On April 24, 2008, the London Times reported that according to a study commissioned by the Children’s Society, more than a quarter of young people under 16 regularly feel depressed because of the stresses of family life, friendships and school.
Broken homes also created problems for schools. The decline of the traditional family is creating a ‘toxic circle’ of school failure, poverty and crime, according to the 160,000-strong Association of Teachers and Lecturers.
It is quite strange that though everyone agrees that prevention is always better than cure, many governments still persist in paying for the cure more than for the prevention. Many families are crying out for help from civil authorities.
There is, therefore, increasingly urgent need for a common commitment to support families by every means available, both from the social and economic point of view, as well as the juridical and spiritual.
In their recent pastoral note on marriage the bishops listed a number of initiatives that have been taken by the Church to prepare couples for marriage, sustain them throughout and help them when marriage breaks down. For decades, the Church has been a pioneer in this area. It is very unfair that many, in their urge to vilify the Church, ignore this valid contribution it is giving.
Is the rest of Maltese society doing its bit to strengthen marriage and the family? How can our legislation, social policy, work practices, educational structures and caring services be improved to be more family- and marriage-friendly?
Are our unions and employers conscious enough of their duties in this area? What is our media doing to strengthen marriage and the family?
This should be a national project, because marriage and the family are our common and most valuable heritage.
joseph.borg@um.edu.mt