A Maltese couple, who had to fly to the UK to terminate an unviable 17-week pregnancy after being told that their much-wanted baby girl would soon die, have spoken about the mental “torture” they had to endure as they waited for the inevitable to happen naturally in Malta.
The couple described how they battled their feelings of ingrained guilt to head to the UK to terminate the pregnancy as the woman’s mental and physical health deteriorated. The pregnancy could not be terminated in Malta due to Malta’s blanket ban on abortion.
“I’m sure I will be judged. But, unless you are the one carrying a dying baby, it’s easy to say: ‘she should have waited it out’. But I also now know that unless you’re in it, you won’t know the emotions it brings along. It is a pain I’ve never felt before,” said the woman.
Three weeks after the ordeal, Jane (not her real name) is still emotionally fragile and is aware of the public backlash that will certainly come with such a story – the type of resentful comments made like the case of the US couple who, in June, spoke up against the Maltese healthcare system which refused to terminate an unviable pregnancy in Malta.
Andrea Prudente was 16 weeks pregnant when she began bleeding profusely while on holiday in Malta. She was told by doctors that the pregnancy was no longer viable. However, her request for a termination was denied because of Malta’s strict anti-abortion laws. She was airlifted to Spain to terminate the pregnancy.
The ordeal made international headlines after the couple decided to go public. A group of 135 doctors signed a judicial protest asking for a review of Malta’s blanket ban on abortion care and Health Minister Chris Fearne ordered a review of legislation to ensure medical professionals are not stopped from saving lives.
The Life Network Foundation insisted that Malta has an excellent track record of caring for pregnant women, and if the life of the mother is at risk, doctors have the legal and ethical obligation to do all that they can to save her life whatever the consequences to the unborn child.
‘Your baby will die’
Jane was 15 weeks pregnant, with her second child, when news of the US couple broke out. She empathised with Andrea but, deep down, she knew she did not agree with abortion.
Everything changed the next day when Jane and her husband went to Mater Dei Hospital to open the baby’s file and were told that their baby had a condition in which fluid had built up in the brain, under the skin, abdomen and chest. Three experts came to the same conclusion – the baby inside the mother’s womb would die.
“It was shock. They confirmed there was no chance for the baby. It was a severe case. I was told that viability was practically zero and the best-case scenario was that we would give birth to a stillborn or that the baby would die hours after birth,” Jane says. The following day, they sought a fourth opinion. The result was the same.
Doctors decided it was best to monitor the baby. Every two days the situation got worse. There was more fluid buildup, the baby’ main artery was getting blocked and the flow was working in reverse. Jane was told the baby was actively dying and she would soon miscarry.
Jane waited.
“It was difficult to digest. We wanted to take the right route. I wanted it to happen alone so that I would not have to take a decision. But after a week, I was not OK mentally. Every day there was a risk the baby would die. So, every day, every second, I wondered what was happening inside me. It was torture.
“I didn’t want the pregnancy to end. This was a planned pregnancy. We wanted this child and had been planning this… she was taken away from us,” Jane says, wiping her tears.
Unless you’re the one carrying a dying baby, it’s easy to say ‘she should have waited it out’
“It’s still so fresh,” she says, as she recalls how during those dark moments, her two-year-old son would go up to her and say “mummy” as though to see what was wrong with her.
Apart from the psychological darkness she was spiralling into, Jane had to deal with physical conditions which she had in her first pregnancy and were being triggered in the second: she was at high risk of developing life-threatening pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure) and gestational diabetes.
Ending the suffering
“It was impacting my health and for nothing,” she said. So, the couple started researching how they could put an end to it and found a hospital in the UK. Meanwhile, they opened up with a trusted gynaecologist who, to their relief, assured them that the decision had been taken by nature and they need not feel guilty about terminating.
“I did not want to have to go through it in Malta where women who are miscarrying are a bed away from pregnant women or those who just had babies,” she says.
At 17 weeks, Jane and her husband went to the UK to terminate. She had started miscarrying and was in pain. In the UK, staff were very sensitive and made sure she was aware of her decision.
“The fact they acknowledged that I was there because the baby was dying helped me feel less guilty. Because you still feel it. In our case, nature had decided and not us, but it’s still not easy to process it. It was a very tough decision that will stay with me.”
Since she was 17 weeks, the process – that cost €1,200 and would have doubled in price one week later – involved giving her a pill to start contractions and, three hours later, she was sedated and the baby was removed.
After the procedure, they were given photos and a little handprint to remember their baby girl by.
The couple chose to send the baby for genetic testing in case there was a condition that would remerge in future pregnancy since they wish to have more children.
“As a procedure, it is straightforward medically but emotionally it is not easy. After, I was physically relieved, and I could look forward and start to recover.”
Jane and her husband have changed the way they interpret the word ‘abortion’.
“I was one of those people who, like many in Malta, applied a blanket ‘no’ to the abortion conversation. It is easy to think that way since you are not killing anyone. But now I know it is not as straightforward. Before, I associated it with ending a viable pregnancy – ending a life. But it’s not like that. In our case, it was helping us gain our life back and our health,” she says, adding that she still did not agree with ending a viable life.
Jane and her husband were lucky to find supportive friends and relatives who understood their situation. They could also afford to go to the UK. But not everyone could afford to do so, and this is why they believe that in such cases, when there was no chance for the baby, terminating should be allowed by law. A couple should not be put through unnecessary physical and mental pain.
“I’m sure there will be people who say: ‘shame on you’. But I’m pretty sure that if they had to go through it, most would do the same thing we did.
“I wanted to speak up about our experience because when you are faced with such news, it can be a very lonely place with very little information given on what the options are.
“When I started speaking with people around me, I realised that there were a number of other Maltese citizens who had taken the same decision as I did for similar reasons, but since it’s still a taboo topic, most people are scared to share such stories, so you would automatically think you are the only one in this situation.”