Domestic violence discourse is “a place of struggle”, according to writer and activist bell hooks. It shapes how people experience life events, and their sense of self. These discourses include on gender-based violence (GBV) and intimate partner violence (IPV) and serve to educate society, including young people, about what is acceptable, desirable and/or normal.
It is interesting to consider the origins of such ideas, or better, what discourse today’s young people are paying attention to, and whether they are equipped to deal safely when exposed to them, especially on social media.
IPV constitutes a gender-based human rights violation. It can occur regardless of whether the individuals involved are/were living together or not. This distinction is what separates it from the term domestic violence, which generally refers to violence occurring among family members.
Extensive research on intimate partner violence among young people has predominantly taken a descriptive, quantitative approach, using large national databases to study the prevalence of IPV and associated factors.
While this type of investigation may be useful in facilitating important insights into young people’s IPV victimisation and perpetration, the widespread use of ‘act scales’ (scales measuring the prevalence of specific aggressive/violent acts, such as slapping and forced intercourse) in these studies has been criticised for turning a blind eye to contextual and situational factors that constitute people’s lived experiences of abuse and violence.
This is reminiscent of crime-control approaches to domestic violence and gender-based violence which overshadow liberatory discourses involving the elimination of women’s dependency on men, which have no language within the system of criminal law. Such liberatory discourses do not constrict women’s pain to a legal or scientific category, and entail an understanding of the interrelated ideas, practices and institutions which perpetuate subordination and those that set us free.
Qualitative studies that are focused on lived experiences, including that of women, show that gendered power relations, gendered behavioural expectations, social and cultural pressures, and gendered inequality can put young women at risk of experiencing IPV in their intimate relationships. Moreover, these studies show that young women tend to remain in such relationships despite the victimisation.
Social media plays a critical role in abuse and violence as gender inequality and expectations often coincide with controlling behaviours, involving demands for constant contact, information about the partner’s whereabouts, access to the partner’s social media accounts, and attempts to isolate the victim.
Studies show a high frequency of sexual pressure and rape, as well as how inexperience regarding intimate relationships and lack of emotional literacy play into abuse.
Young people who have limited sexual experience are often unsure as to whether abusive behaviours are acceptable, often attributing these behaviours as part and parcel of normal relationships, or even ‘caring’.
Worryingly, peer pressure to be in an intimate relationship, together with fear of being seen as victims, can result in young women remaining in violent relationships, staying silent about their painful experiences, and/or minimising the victimisation. While abusive behaviours – such as control and sexual coercion – may be seen as ‘not okay’, these behaviours would nevertheless occur, and may be ascribed to the partner’s moodiness.
Social media plays a critical role in abuse and violence- Audrey Friggieri
The violence described by young women abused by males in qualitative research could be thought of as “patriarchal terrorism” ‒ a product of patriarchal traditions of men’s right to control women as their property.
This is a form of terroristic control of women by their partners involving the systematic use of not only physical violence, but economic subordination, threats, isolation, and other control tactics.
According to these research findings, although young women may resist the violence, fighting back appears to be very difficult, especially when one considers that fear and control were part of all the young women’s narratives.
Furthermore, researchers note that when there is ubiquitous control, especially when the perpetrator is aided by technology, it is easy for the perpetrator to terrorise without the need to resort to physical or other manifest forms of violence. Social media opens up powerful but lonely places for young people to spend their time, to access content and interact with ‘friends’.
These spaces set the standards for reality and for its evaluation, as well as for the urge to make the ‘lived’ reality more palatable.
The desired life tends to be life as experienced on social media, which strips real life of its charm or relevance in comparison.
Social media and popular culture sabotage all efforts at education, when they are imparting different and conflicting values to young people, including about their identity, their beliefs, their relationships, ideas about love and sex, attractiveness, and so on.
The challenge today is how to equip young people with abilities to process the real from the fake, the healthy from the toxic, and to be aware of who they are in a boundless universe of information aimed at sucking them in and taking over their minds.
Education systems that prioritise character formation and safety must recognise the uncertainty of the human condition in today’s world, and design innovative ways of dealing with the consequences of this reality. Young people need to learn about their human rights, about justice, and how to deal with change and the unknown.
Never as much as today have our children and young people needed the life skills to navigate a universe that can often be hostile and unforgiving. Young people today (and adults too) may experience violence in their home, but also online, which is where they are increasingly spending their time. As research shows, this phenomenon has grave and long-lasting consequences on them personally, on their families and on all of society.
A comprehensive education in human rights not only provides knowledge about human rights and the mechanisms that protect them, but also imparts the skills needed to promote, defend and apply human rights in daily life.
Audrey Friggieri is commissioner, Commission on Gender-Based Violence and Domestic Violence.