Welcome to The Money Coach, a Times of Malta column where readers can ask questions about life's money issues. Send your questions about personal finances, inheritance, gifting or other personal finance topics to moneycoach@timesofmalta.com.

Dear Luca,

I am a 30-year-old man with a Master's degree who has been working full-time for the past eight years. My salary is not lucrative by any means, but I enjoy my job and make ends meet comfortably. I consider myself to be a financially disciplined person who tries to avoid unnecessary expenses.

My partner, who is of a similar age and education level to me, works in a more lucrative sector and within a more lucrative sector and earns almost twice my salary. She is not as financially disciplined as I am and lives a somewhat different lifestyle. If she wants something, she buys it. Between the both of us, I was always the one who saved up the most.

We have been together for more than 10 years. Two years ago, we decided to buy a house together and renovate it. We took out a mortgage and opened a joint account to fund repayments, interest, and renovation costs. Currently, we are each putting in a fixed sum of money per month to cover these expenses.

While the house is undergoing renovation, I realised that I was doing the majority of the dirty work. My partner’s job is more demanding and rigid than mine and she can’t take leave on short notice. I assume that in the future, should things remain as they are, I will be the one doing most of the necessary errands and house chores. The significant difference in salary makes up for these drawbacks.

With the renovations coming to an end, we have been discussing the best way forward financially, so as to agree on our financial contributions, before we move in together. I am aware that the majority of relationships fail because of financial miscalculations or disagreements and I would not like this to happen to me.

Should we keep the situation as it is, and contribute equally to the same joint account to pay recurring expenses (such as utilities, internet bills, etc.)? Or should we each pay a percentage of our salary (say 50%), to compensate for the wage disparity, while still holding separate personal accounts for personal expenses? Or should we consider going down the traditional route, whereby what is mine is yours and vice versa, and we pay everything including personal expenses from the same account?

Your help is greatly appreciated in this regard. Many thanks in advance.

Best wishes,

A Worried Follower.

Luca responds:Top of Form

It's great to see you taking a proactive approach to your finances before moving in together. This is a smart move, as many couples wait until issues build up before they discuss money, which can lead to unnecessary tension.

I’m a big fan of pooling all your money in a joint account. It has worked exceptionally well for me and my wife, and makes us feel more like a team. In fact, a 2022 study  showed that pooling everything in a joint account helped marriages last longer: Couples that pooled their money together were more likely to still be together than those who reported keeping their finances separate when researchers checked in on them 12 to 14 years later.

But I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea. The most important thing is to find a way that makes both people feel good and valued.

Furthermore, when there’s a big difference in what each person earns, it’s essential to talk about it. In my own life, being open and understanding about how we felt made a big difference. Sometimes the person making less can feel down about it, and the one earning more might feel like they have to take care of everything. Talking about these feelings is key. In the past year, I was the only person earning an income as my wife had to stay at home with our daughter since she had sensory issues. While the scenario was not ideal, the fact that we were used to pooling everything in a joint account helped make this transition easier.

In a common scenario where we are both earning an income, budgeting together has been like a team project for us. We don’t just split things 50-50. We each put in what we can, based on what we earn. This way, we both feel like we’re doing our part. We decide together how to spend our money and how to save for the future.

The best thing you can do is keep talking about money. My wife and I have regular chats about our finances. It has helped us a lot. We don’t let money become a big, scary topic.

To help guide your discussions, here are some questions that can lead to a meaningful and open conversation:

1. "What are my main worries about having a joint account?": It's important to express any fears or hesitations about merging your finances.
2. "Why do I feel that maintaining some independence in our earnings is important?": This can uncover your deeper values and beliefs about money and autonomy.
3. "How do I view money, and how is that different from you?": Understanding each other's perspectives on money is crucial in finding a middle ground.
4. "If we merge our finances, how will we manage personal spending?": This question will help you figure out how to balance individual desires with joint financial goals.
5. "What are our long-term financial goals, and how do our current habits support or hinder these goals?": Aligning your long-term objectives can provide context for your daily financial decisions.
6. "How can we ensure both of us feel our contributions are valued and fair?": This is about finding a balance that feels right for both of you, financially and emotionally.

It’s vital to be open and honest when discussing these questions, Approach them with an open mind and remember that the conversations are about understanding and empathy as much as they are about finding solutions.

Also keep in mind that this shouldn't just be a one-off conversation; regular check-ins can help address concerns early and prevent deep-rooted resentments from forming. Regularly engaging in such discussions can strengthen your relationship and ensure you're both on the same page financially.

Luca is the founder of the Money Coaching Hub. Email him your financial questions at moneycoach@timesofmalta.com

Disclaimer: This column is intended to provide general information on various topics related to personal finance. The information provided is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as personalised financial advice for your specific situation. Financial decisions are highly individual and can vary greatly based on your unique circumstances, goals, and risk tolerance. The author of this column is not authorised to provide financial advice. Before making any financial decisions, it is recommended to seek professional financial advice from an authorised financial advisor.