Goldfish have long been pigeonholed as the idiots of the freshwater world, allegedly with short-term memory loss and poor cognitive abilities, despite their unnervingly bloated heads. These assumptions are now being challenged, following news that a group of researchers have managed to train a goldfish to independently drive a ‘wheeled platform’. That’s right, the fish are mobilised now, and they’ve skipped the penny farthing and gone straight for a four-wheeled vehicle.

Footage of the experiment shows a fish (full tank included) swimming in different directions to drive the platform around. Its motives are not clear, but should definitely not be underestimated. The researchers, based at Ben-Gurion University in Israel, showed that using their specially designed FOV (that’s fish-operated vehicle), the fish was able to independently explore a terrestrial environment, avoiding obstacles in its path and directing itself towards rewards.

The team believe this might mean that the fish can navigate just as well ‘on land’ as it can under the water, and can orient itself unexpectedly well in a new context. We can also see from the footage that the fish displays very little road rage, suggesting that it can also regulate its emotions better than the average Maltese man.  Critics have angrily responded that if fish can drive now, then they should also be working and paying taxes instead of sponging off the system. The fish in question has declined to comment, but several sponges have condemned the words.