There are times, especially after a hard day’s work, where I question whether I am being a good parent and caregiver to my children. If so, how can I distinguish between being a good and a bad provider and with whom can I compare myself to?

I constantly find myself in a rut of thoughts composed of ifs, doubts and other unmotivating considerations that all relate to my children’s needs: eating patterns, physical exercise and schooling itself. All these endlessly loop in thought like a traffic jam on a Monday morning.

I often contemplate on how I might be failing and remind myself how the role of a parent and guardian does not follow any guidebook or is composed of mathematical-like rules. No child is ever born alongside an instruction manual to facilitate all this.

I feel entangled in wanting to provide the best while feeling stuck going around in circles not wanting to shout, scold, be negative or coerce my children in following my guidance. Nonetheless, there are times I knowingly fail and pit myself in guilt and helplessness that gets me nowhere.

There are times I knowingly fail and pit myself in guilt and helplessness that gets me nowhere

At times, I catastrophise and doubt how ignorance was − or is − a bliss and that somehow the previous parenting methodologies provided certain results… but then again, what do these results reflect? They projected onto the then, upcoming generation a blanket of fear and self-imposed ‘A’ level in guilt that there is always someone watching, ready to catch us and celebrate our failures. Might this have placed us, members of this generation in a state where we endlessly feel we’re not doing enough and in a constant need for validation as we have learnt that nothing is ever good enough?

On the other hand, we often hear generalisations on millennials for being spoilt, self-centred and without a shred of respect. Is not each millennial a product of parenting and guidance, or is responsibility comfortably shifted towards the media, peers and others?

What are we missing and not getting right with our children? What do they want and really need? And what do we want and need from them?

Having gained experience as a social worker and other related professions, I was privileged the opportunity to work with a great number of children and adolescents who have had to endure an overwhelming past that was riddled with rejection and abuse.

In all this there seemed to lie a common thread… that these children always sought stability, routine and a yearning for love, approval and attention. With this in mind I try my best in offering these in all I do. In relation to all the above, I strongly wish to emphasise how important it is to verbalise this sense of helplessness towards normalising all that we are going through.

It is perfectly fine to feel this way and it is more than fine in asking how we can continue being there for our children, and ourselves.