As the burgeoning Maltese stand-up comedy circuit enjoys unprecedented popularity, one brutally honest local comedy champion takes us behind the scenes, spilling the beans to reveal the amusing but embarrassing experiences comedians willingly endure to make us laugh

I walk into the near-empty venue. Music plays softly in the background. An early imbiber props up the bar. He’s half-asleep, his head lolling languidly on his elbow. It’s hard to imagine that in less than an hour, I’ll kick off a stand-up comedy show right here, and it will be standing-room only.

Still, questions plague me. “Will anybody show?” “Are my comedic performers going to arrive in time?” Worse still: “Might I slip up on a banana peel as I take to the stage, ripping my Levi’s from waist to toe in the process??” (Just kidding: I have never owned a pair of Levi’s jeans. EVER.) But time and again, the bar fills to capacity. In the end, the night is raucous with laughter. There’s back-and-forth aplenty ‘twixt comedians and audience members. Everyone has a side-splitting time!

So it goes, for the host of a stand-up comedy night (also known as ‘compère’). It’s my job to plan the evening, coordinate all contributors, then bring it all together and make things run smoothly. This, while pretending that it all goes horribly awry on the night, of course. Because… who doesn’t find a best-laid plan gone disastrously wrong inherently hilarious, I ask you?!

Before the show begins, a veritable myriad of minutiae must be attended to. Of course, there’s the aforementioned lineup of hapless victims (woops! I meant eager performers). We witness stand-up from locals and expats alike. Everyone’s welcome. In fact, the crowd rather enjoys watching comedians face-off onstage. Local performers sit indignantly while an expat pretender-to-the-throne waxes lyrical about late buses, long lines at the polyclinic, or not enough ricotta in their pastizzi. Blahblah BLAH. But when it’s the native’s turn at the stage… they always fight back. You have to love that!

Beyond cajoling together a juicy line-up for the evening, there’s yet more to do before the night can begin. Time for a sound-test! (What’s that buzzing noise in the microphone feed?) Turn on the spotlight! (Why is my star performer half shrouded in shadow?) Set up that camera! (Will the flash blind them, or throw off their set?) Activate ventilation! (Since a bar-full of heckling mirth-seekers generates more heat than a Maltese bakery before dawn). Well. You get the general idea.

Alberto de la Hera regularly regales crowds with his inimitable brand of humour!

Malta has a long tradition of comedy theatre and musicals. From the various pantomimes gracing our stages this Christmas, to the now-annual run of the ‘Comedy Knights’ show, to The Addams’ Family, a forthcoming musical extravaganza in March 2020 at the MCC. There’s plenty to choose from.

More recently, stand-up comedy (an artform that has long been firmly established beyond Malta’s shores) is growing on the island, too. It sounds simple enough, right? An amplified microphone, a (blood)thirsty crowd, and an earnest personality in dire need of (un)sympathetic ears.

However, the reality of stand-up performance isn’t quite so straightforward. Take the inevitable nerves, before you take to the stage. “Will I remember my lines?” “Will the crowd like me?” “Will they fling rotten cabbages at my head, instead of laughing at my jokes?” And so on, and so forth.

Stand-up takes many forms. There are joke-tellers, one-liners, impersonators and accent experts. Myself, I’m a storyteller. From a life replete with geekily tragic mis-steps, poor judgement, painful moments and blundered opportunities, I share some of mine with the crowd. This, so that others might listen and thus avoid stomping into those same proverbial cow-pats of life.

Whatever the format, the energy that scintillates between a comedian and their audience is a strange sensation to behold, indeed. If the night is good, that connection can be electric enough to power all of Mosta’s air conditioners in the heat of summer. But on a bad night, it feels damper than your jeans after getting too close to a puddle on Birkirkara’s Mannarino Valley Road. Yes, an approaching driver spots you and grins ominously as he crouches behind the wheel. He swerves in, presses pedal to the metal, and… SPLASH! (We’ve all been there, I think.)

The ugly truth is that stand-up comedy - like any artform - is learned the hard way: through trial and error. By falling down, then picking yourself back up. By wiping the custard-pie cream from your eyes. By icing the bruised welts on your head from the stoning you provoked from the unfriendly crowd… Ok, ok - maybe not those last two: for hecklers in Malta seem most gentle and friendly, so far! (Let’s see how it goes next week, though.)

Happily, there are more and more stand-up comedy nights springing up across the islands. Some are open-mics, at which anyone in attendance is invited. They may step up and try a few minutes at the microphone. Perhaps they will prove their mettle as the next Steve Martin. Other nights work as shows, with a preset lineup of comedians.

A quick search for ‘comedy malta’ on Facebook (filter the results on Events) will yield a healthy line-up of evenings you can try out this winter season. Take your pick! Better still, join the ‘Comedy Malta!’ Facebook Group. There, I endeavour to gather all comedy-related events in Malta into a single timeline. This gives you at-a-glance notifications about upcoming comedy events in Malta, any time of day.

Another burgeoning artform in Malta is that of Improv Theatre. Anyone familiar with famous TV shows such as Who’s Line Is It Anyway? will instantly recognise the format. ‘Malta Improv Group’ performs regularly at different venues and events in Malta. What’s more, if you’re curious to try some improv yourself, there are weekly classes you can attend without the pressure of being in a show.

Whichever is your preferred flavour of comedy, do head down to some local events as the weather turns chilly. And let’s get really warmed up with laughter, this Christmas!

(Banana-peel planters and custard-pie flingers need not apply.)

Andrew hosts the Christmas edition of Casey’s Comedy Corner at Casey’s Bar in Gżira (free entry) on December 11. December 17 he introduces Stand-Up! an evening of comedy at Storeroom, Ta ‘Xbiex (€5). Find both events on Facebook. To contact Andrew, e-mail him at andrew_bonello@yahoo.co.uk