Education Minister Evarist Bartolo revealed that 544 cases were registered with the Anti-Bullying Service during the 2018-2019 scholastic year. Marisabelle Bonnici and Stacey Abela speak to Claudia Calleja about their shattered self-esteem after being bullied at school. 

Children need to be taught the skills to stand up for themselves and develop the mindset skills to deal with bullying if they are to survive bullying.

But Marisabelle and Stacey believe more needs to be invested to prepare children to deal with this “reality of life”.

“Bullying happens all around us unfortunately. It’s like an epidemic. Over the years, working as a pharmacist and now a binge-eating coach, I’ve realised many people have been bullied,” says Marisabelle, known as Belle, 35, who suffered from a binging disorder as a result of being bullied.

“We’re just not talking about it enough and not giving our kids the skills to deal with it. We need to teach mindset skills and help children build themselves up.”

Bullying can come from adults as well, which is what parents need to keep mind

Stacey, 51, agrees: “People don’t realise how harsh words can be. And today’s kids have it worse with social media. I know people who are bullied at work. It doesn’t stop at school.”

School nightmare

For Stacey, the bullying started in primary school in Australia where she lived. “I was the typical Maltese, olive skin and dark hair. I was teased about my hairy legs so I wore knee high socks. If I covered up, I was teased. I just could not win. For me school was something I had to put up with. As I grew up it got worse. I struggled to read aloud in class and was teased and laughed at. They called me ‘Six-Cs Stacey’ because of my grades,” she says.

Stacey cried a lot and vented her anger into art. And because she did well, students claimed she was sleeping with the art teacher – there was no way out.

For Belle, the bullying started in secondary school. “I had cut my hair and they called me ‘Toni and Gay.’ They teased me because I spoke Maltese and because I played the accordion. I spent lots of time in the library to stay away from other kids. There was this one guy who would come to the library, open books with naked women and tell me they look nicer than me,” she recalls.

Back then, Belle never really spoke about it. Unlike Stacey, she didn’t cry. Some teachers tried to help but there was one who added to the bullying. “He said he would not help me with assignments because I was not as attractive as the other girls… Bullying can come from adults as well, which is what parents need to keep mind,” she says.

In order to cope, Belle would go home and binge eat in secret. As she gained weight, she was bullied about it.

“It keeps on happening as we grow,” she says, adding that someone recently commented on a photo she posted saying she looked like a man.

Loving yourself

Things changed in February 2017 when Belle had almost reached 140 kilos. A man walked into the pharmacy where she worked and, as she gave him health advice, she could read the expression on his face: ‘you’re the one to talk?’

“I realised that I took care of everyone around me but didn’t take care of myself,” she says. That day marked a turning point. She started losing weight, working out and tackling the deeper issue – this was not about nutrition. It ran deeper. It was about a shattered self-esteem. 

Last year, she sold her pharmacy and followed a course in health and nutrition coaching. She is currently specialising in eating disorders and binge eating to help others like her. She even set up a nutrition blog – Road to Belle.

She was invited to share her experience as a motivational speaker during an event where she met Stacey, an aromatherapist.

The two women became friends. They realised that, although they are so different, they have a lot in common – both were scarred by bullies and both want to help others. So they started the Facebook page Time with Belle and Stace where they share their experiences and offer motivation.

Over the years, through their different lines of work, they have come across many people who have been crushed by the words and actions of others - sometimes relatives or professionals that should be supporting them.

“The hurt is still there but I turned it into a growing experience. I wouldn’t be helping people with eating disorders if I didn’t go through it,” Belle says.

Are you being bullied? Seek help by contacting voluntary organisation bBrave – bbrave.org.mt.