I was 15 years old and waiting at the bus terminus in Valletta for a bus to Msida when it happened. I remember that I was wearing my favourite Rimmel green eye shadow and listening to music when my earphones were aggressively yanked out of my ears by a much bigger, much older man I had never seen before. He told me I was pretty and wanted me to go off with him. Despite every fibre of my being screaming with confusion and fear, I froze.

I froze so much that when he took my phone from me, put in his number and began to pull me violently across the bus terminus, it was almost like watching it happen to someone else.

Even though I could feel myself resisting this disgusting creature, I didn’t let out a scream. It was broad daylight, the bus terminus was full of people and it was only when he tried to lift me to put me over his shoulder to carry me off that an older woman finally realised that something was off and started to scream.

One of the first reactions I got when tearfully retelling my story the same day was: “Why didn’t you fight him?” This question, laden with accusation, is something I have chosen never to dwell on. I didn’t fight because I could not. It’s not because I harboured any secret desire to be carried away by a repulsive predator; it’s because many people just shut down when things like this happen.

Knowing this feeling, having tasted it in my mouth, I can’t help but be appalled by how a victim allegedly forced into a van and sexually assaulted on the way home is currently being treated in court.

Despite the fact that the victim sounded traumatised as she repeated her side of events, the defence not only continuously asked her why she didn’t escape from the van even though she repeatedly said that she froze and that one would need to be in the situation to know what was going through her head but the (male) defence lawyer even more odiously asked her what she was wearing and queried whether her leggings were tight.

Perhaps since our courts seem to still be so emotionally ill-equipped to speak to victims, courses should be offered by mental health professionals to end such outrageous and appalling lines of interrogation- Anna Marie Galea

Now, I understand that a defence lawyer’s job is to defend but are we really still asking alleged victims of sexual assault what they were wearing in 2023? Are we still trying to victim blame and make it sound like rape and assault could be avoided if someone were wearing a burka? This line of questioning does nothing but shame victims and increases their trauma.

Perhaps since our courts seem to still be so emotionally ill-equipped to speak to victims, courses should be offered by mental health professionals to end such outrageous and appalling lines of interrogation. Do we have to have experienced something ourselves to be able to provide any level of understanding and compassion?

In case anyone was wondering, I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt the day the almost unthinkable happened to me.

If we are still going to blame women for assault based on what they’re wearing, why haven’t we started blaming people for getting robbed for owning expensive TV sets?

If you can’t answer that, you’re part of the problem.