The girlfriend of a young mental health campaigner has spoken out about stigma after she was called “a weakling” for being with someone who has schizophrenia.

Karin Cassar, 22, has been dating Matthew Paris, 23, for two and half years.

From the very start, Matthew was open about the fact that he has schizophrenia – a form of psychosis, which is a term used to describe a mental health problem in which a person has lost some contact with reality. 

“If you have schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, an eating disorder or any mental health related problem, it does not mean you are weak.

"If you are supporting someone who has a mental health problem and you are also struggling with something, it does not make you weak. Quite the opposite, it makes you admirable and strong,” she wrote in an impassioned Facebook post.

Apart from living with a mental health disorder, the couple are very knowledgeable on the subject since they met while studying psychology at the University of Malta. Both of them now work for the Richmond Foundation that supports people with mental health problems and their carers.

Over the years Matthew has shared his story – in schools and public fora – to help shatter the stigma linked to mental health conditions. 

This is why Karin was infuriated when, some days ago, a young man her age described her as "a weakling" because she has “a schizophrenic boyfriend”.

“Being called ‘a schizophrenic’ is an insult. Because you have an illness, it does not mean you are the illness. It’s like saying that if he were in a wheelchair – he is a wheelchair,” she tells Times of Malta. 

Karin and Matthew's story

The couple met two and half years ago at university where they studied psychology. One day, while they were at an event, they got talking and Matthew shared his story with her. 

Matthew told her how his symptoms first emerged when he was 15 in the form of visual and auditory hallucinations.

“I began hearing voices and seeing things that only I was able to see,” he says.

“The first time it happened I was swimming and started hearing voices. I was very confused and kept stopping and looking around. I was not sure if it had really happened.

"But then it started happening daily. I started hearing voices and seeing people – not people I recognised. I was having nightmares and it was like they were spilling into my life. At first I did not know what it was – it was a lot to wrap my head around,” he says.

For two years he kept it a secret. There was an element of fear and he did not want to worry his parents. Besides, he liked having this unique attribute at that age.  

But as time passed it started impacting his performance at school – he could not concentrate and started missing lessons and not doing homework. That is when he told his parents and his headmaster.

“Looking back,  it's quite silly that before speaking up I waited until it affected something I got into trouble for,” he says.

The voices can stay in the background and say what they want. The more self-assured I am, the better.

Matthew sought help and started seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist. Eventually he also started taking medication. 

“It was difficult at times as there were days when I felt I was sick – I put that label on myself,” he says. With time he learnt to live with his condition by blocking out the voices. 

Living with "the voices"

Matthew says he can hear voices even during the interview.

“What they are saying at the moment is probably related to this interview - that I am not doing it well. I’m not taking notice of them, but not dismissing them.

"So the voices can stay in the background and say what they want. The more self-assured I am, the better. If I feel confident that this interview is going well, they won’t affect me. But if they hit a soft spot and talk about something I feel insecure about, it will be much harder to block them out,” he says. 

Matthew and Karin want to make sure that people with mental health problems and their loved ones understand that nothing about them is weak. No voice, no rash comment should make them feel weak - because they are not. 

“My illness is my illness. Karin and I are very close and some of it becomes Karin’s – something she has to carry with her. This makes her a very strong person.  

"For us this is something that has become second nature – but when we were hit with the fact that people see us a ‘Karin and her schizophrenic boyfriend’ we realized that we do more than a 'normal relationship',” he says.

The couple say that because of Matthew’s psychosis, communication is very important - more important than in any other relationship. 

“It’s very important that he opens up if something bothers him or it can spiral,” Karin says adding that this honest and open communication makes them – strong.