When three NGO workers were taken hostage in Afghanistan in the early 2000s, hostage negotiator Martin Richards knew the odds were stacked against him.

“We knew the chances of success were pretty slim,” Richards, who spent 30 years with the Met Police dealing with everything from kidnappings to terrorism, said.

Terrorist organisations in that part of the world often used kidnappings – and executions – as a recruitment and propaganda tool.

Working at a distance and through intermediaries, Richards spent weeks in tense negotiations, uncertain how things might play out until, at last, the hostages were finally released – an outcome he describes as “joyful”.

Richards subsequently received personal letters of thanks from then UK Prime Minister Tony Blair and United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan.

Not all of Richards’ experiences were as harrowing or high-profile.

"I negotiated with Batman,” he recalls, referring to a UK fathers’ rights activist who scaled Westminster Abbey while dressed as the masked vigilante.  

“The first thing he said to me when I turned up was, ‘Where’s Robin?’ I thought he was either deluded or maybe there was a Robin, so I asked the local police inspectors, and they told me, ‘Yeah we nicked him; he didn’t get up the ladder quickly enough.’”

Other incidents have been less comical.

Richards was the first negotiator on the scene during the infamous Hackney Siege — the longest police siege in UK history – and the 15-day standoff ended tragically.

"In the end, unfortunately, he was shot by police and then shot himself... that one sticks in my mind, particularly because it lasted so long,” he said. By contrast, most sieges last around seven hours.

He now helps companies and individuals improve their communication skills and avoid conflict at home and the workplace, and continues to negotiate internationally dealing with scenarios such as ransom kidnappings and piracy.

Listen, empathise, build rapport then gain cooperation

During his time in the Metropolitan Police, Richards led firearms units, surveillance teams and public order units in addition to his role as a negotiator. 

In that time, he learned that the key to connecting with people in difficult circumstances is showing empathy and actively listening.

“We follow our negotiation sequence, which is to actively listen, demonstrate empathy, build a rapport then persuade, influence and gain cooperation,” he explained.

“And you still have to display empathy for people you don’t necessarily like,” he stressed.

“I deal with hardened kidnappers in hostile environments around the world who take people against their will, beat them and threaten their families, but you still have to demonstrate empathy to them,” he continued.

“We know that if we don’t, we won’t build a rapport... you have to gain their trust.”

Personal crises

When dealing with someone going through a personal crisis, Richards explained that how one communicates is important.

“We don’t give advice, pass judgement or question their morals. We validate their emotions, whatever they’re going through,” he said.

“For a lot of people, their basic needs are suffering when they’re in a crisis. They feel out of control, so one of the things we do is to use words that give them back their basic needs.”

Providing an example of someone who may be threatening to harm themself, Richards described the importance of giving guarantees to that person.

“I might say, ‘I’m not going to go away, you’re not going to be arrested but I am going to refer you to a medical professional’. These things provide certainty,” he explained.

“We also try to give that person back some control by telling them that they decide what happens, that they’re in control and that nothing bad is going to happen to them.

“These all help give people their basic needs back, because when they feel they have them, they’re less likely to be stressed and more able to listen.”

Active listening and advice

While Richards does give advice in his work, he reiterates the importance of actively listening to people before trying to do so.

It’s a technique developed by the FBI which Richards learned while being trained at their Quantico centre in Virginia.  

“Before you give advice you have to earn that right... you have to show empathy,” he stressed.

With more emphasis placed on effective communication in today’s culture, does Richards believe this has improved listening? Or have modern distractions such as mobile phones taken us back a step?

“We’ve gone so much more into loneliness and being on our phones and in our own heads that we’re not doing enough active listening,” he answered.

“I think we are becoming better listeners but there are less opportunities to do it.”

 Martin Richards will appear at Working Town’s ‘Mental Wellness at the Workplace’ conference on October 10, co-organised by Up Your Level, Healthmark and We Connect (of the FIDEM Foundation).