International Women’s Day is a time to celebrate the achievements and resilience of women worldwide. However, it is also a moment to reflect on the challenges many still face, including domestic violence.
While much focus is placed on supporting victims, it is equally important to address those who perpetrate abuse. Recognising abusive behaviours, taking responsibility and seeking support are critical steps in breaking the cycle of domestic violence.
Identifying abusive behaviours
Many individuals who engage in abusive behaviour may not recognise the harm they are causing. Abuse takes many forms, including physical violence, emotional manipulation, financial control and psychological intimidation.
Common signs of abusive behaviour include excessive jealousy, verbal insults, controlling a partner’s movements or finances, isolating them from friends and family, or using intimidation to instil fear.
Understanding that abuse is not just about physical harm but also about power and control can be a crucial first step. Reflecting on one’s actions and considering how they impact a partner’s well-being is necessary for change.
Taking responsibility
Denial and justification are common defences among those who perpetrate abuse.
Statements such as “I only acted that way because I was stressed” or “it was just a moment of anger” shift blame and prevent real change. Accepting responsibility means acknowledging that abusive behaviour is a choice and not a reaction.
Taking accountability involves recognising the harm caused, apologising sincerely without excuses and committing to behavioural change. This requires a willingness to listen to the experiences of those affected and understanding that no one deserves to be mistreated.
Accepting responsibility means acknowledging that abusive behaviour is a choice and not a reaction
Seeking support and changing behaviour
Abusive behaviours are often rooted in deep-seated personal issues, past traumas or learned behaviours such as patriarchal thinking. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a crucial step towards change.
In Malta, the ‘STOP! The Violence and Abuse Service’ of Aġenzija Appoġġ focuses its services on supporting those who recognise their abusive behaviours and want to change.
The Domestic Abuse Intervention Programme is an integral part of the services offered, supporting men who are abusive towards their female intimate partners. The programme addresses the beliefs, attitudes and behaviours of participants, helping them take responsibility for their actions and their consequences.
Likewise, the ‘Women Who Use Force’ programme focuses on addressing the abusive behaviours of women towards their intimate partners.
As we celebrate International Women’s Day, let us not only honour the strength of women but also commit to addressing the barriers to true equality.
Breaking the cycle of domestic violence requires courage, self-reflection and a commitment to change. By identifying abusive behaviours, taking responsibility and seeking help, individuals can work towards non-violent relationships.
Silence perpetuates harm, however, acting fosters healing for both the abuser and the survivor contributing to a safer society for all.