James Cummings asks veteran hostage negotiator Martin Richards how to deal with common challenges at the workplace.

Negotiating a raise

“You've got to demonstrate your own credibility, reliability and worth. Reciprocity and consistency are important for raises and we use those things a lot in negotiating to remind the person what we've done for them. We always write down positive things a kidnapper or a person in a crisis will say to remind them of that later.  

“So, when you go to your boss for a raise, you might want to remind them of occasions when they praised you, such as telling you you’re a valued employee during an appraisal. Then you can say, ‘Now’s the time to show it.’

“Because people like to feel consistent, I would also always write down anything positive in any interaction with people when they say something’s going to happen. If you challenge them on that, they’re going to hate it internally but would have to honour it.

“Those are two powerful persuasion techniques.”

Resolving a conflict with a colleague

“In any conflict with work it’s often a misunderstanding and it's only by listening to the other person's point of view that you're going to get anywhere.

“If there's an immediate conflict happening in front of you, that's when you're going to become overwhelmed, and you go into fight, flight or freeze mode. And the reason you only going to do one of those three things is because you're stressed and overwhelmed.

“So, mirroring helps straight away. The good thing about mirroring the last few words someone says is it shows you’re listening, and it gives you thinking time.

“Then you might want to use emotional labelling, for example, telling the person they sound angry and then asking why they feel that way. Then you’re listening.

“The worst thing you can say to someone is, ‘calm down’. It’s better to try to match their rhythm then try to lead that person to a calmer point.”

Giving a presentation

“You can use these same steps on yourself. So, recognise the emotion — acknowledge you might be feeling anxious, for example — then ask yourself why you’re feeling that way. Taking internal pauses are also important as they give you time to examine that emotion.

“It's also important to validate those feelings. Try saying to yourself: ‘Of course you’re anxious, there are 300 people staring at you onstage, anyone would be anxious.’ Even just admitting these feelings is a positive step.

“It’s brave to talk about it, even to yourself. It takes courage to admit you’re anxious and it shows resilience that you’re still willing to go onto that stage and talk to those people regardless.”

Procrastination

“If I’m ever procrastinating over anything, I’ll do the hardest thing first. How do I deal with people that are procrastinating? It’s a difficult one, because, again, you never want to start advising people.

“This is really about decision-making, and there are some barriers to that. Some people make ‘quickdraw’ decisions and they like to be seen to be making decisions, even if they don’t think about the outcomes too much. These decision-makers can overly rely on instinct.

“Others can infuriate those around them by never making a decision. They typically want so much information, to analyse everything they know and are always looking for additional intelligence before they decide what to do.

“Both have advantages and disadvantages, but this is why minimising the barriers to effective decision-making is to have a system: Gather your intelligence, evaluate it, make a risk assessment, consider your options, have a strategy then take an action and review it.

“Many decision-making models are quite similar, and one of the purposes of those models is so you can justify your decision afterwards. They’re one of the best ways to minimise bad decisions without a doubt.”

Effective managing

“The first thing to ask is what you’re trying to get out of your team. Is it all of them or just some? What does success look like for you and what are your key performance indicators? Is it motivation or results?

“I would ask myself all those questions. If people aren’t motivated, for example, is it their pay or working conditions? Have you asked them? This could even extend to the shifts they work and the equipment they have.

“If you genuinely try to understand someone’s issue, then you’ll be rewarded. If you just tell someone what to do to solve an issue and tell them you understand, you probably don’t.”