'My husband wants us to go on a €10k holiday. I want to invest it. Who’s right?'

Welcome to The Money Coach, a Times of Malta column where readers can ask questions about life's money issues. Send your questions about personal finances, inheritance, gifting or other personal finance topics to [email protected]

Dear Luca, 

My husband and I have been married for five years. We have two children.

During that time, I took on a lower-paid job to spend more time with my children, which put a strain on our family income.

In spite of all those difficulties, we managed to get by, even thanks to some help we received from our parents.

Early this year, my husband changed jobs, and he is now getting paid €20,000 more than before (he used to earn €40,000,  I earn €28,000).

It felt like a breath of pure relief for me, as in my head I could finally return to making regular investments - something we had abandoned these past few years).

Apart from that, he also inherited around €20,000 from a distant relative, and I immediately thought ‘Yes, great, it can be a lump sum straight into a good investment’.

But he wants to use the money to go on our first proper family holiday together. Now don’t take me wrong, I love family memories. We still managed some short-term trips these past years despite our financial challenges (albeit not further than Italy). Now I strongly feel that the time has come to put our efforts into saving and investing more seriously.

My husband disagrees, saying we have to live life to the full. I feel that we cannot indulge too much immediately, at least not until we’re making some regular investments.

I would appreciate your thoughts in this matter.

Reluctant Spender

Luca responds:

I totally feel you. In the past few years, I passed through similar experiences, where my savings almost entirely evaporated and I had to put a stop to my investments. And this all came through because, as a family, we too had to make certain choices to spend more time with our children, and also because of certain health issues which our daughter had, and which cost us a lot of money to make sure we were with her, especially in her first year.

I can relate further to you because the first instinct I’ve had once it all settled down was to aggressively start saving and also investing again. Stopping from doing that felt like pure pain, especially knowing about the power of compound interest.

And yet, and this is what many financial coaches and advisers miss, it is still ok, as no person is living the same life. For some, the road may be more straightforward, and the investments remain regular; for others, life happens, and they’d have to take a pause before restarting.

There’s nothing wrong with this, and the ‘influencers’ out there calling others a failure for not following a system to the letter are doing more harm than good.

I have brought up this point because I am sure that a part of you felt like failing in the past few years of little investing. And I feel your instinct when you say that now it’s high time to start saving and investing, especially since you have that lump-sum opportunity and your husband’s larger income.

But let me say something about your husband too. Because here's what I keep coming back to. After years of difficulty, of health worries, of you taking a smaller salary to be there for your kids… he isn't reaching for recklessness. He's reaching for safety, like you, but just a different kind.

You want to feel safe by investing. He wants to feel safe through joy, through proof that all that hard work bought your family something you can actually feel. Neither instinct is the wrong one. You're both holding onto the same thing, just from opposite ends

As you know, I am a big advocate of investing… but I am also a big advocate of living a ‘wealthy’ life and of relationship financial compromise.

So whilst still looking to start investing again, I suggest you sit down with your husband and talk about the following:

1. Does the holiday need to cost €10,000? Would a lesser amount still make it memorable?
2. Are we in agreement that we need to start investing again? Shall we agree on a specific number to invest per month?
3. What are our upcoming financial goals? Where do we see ourselves in 3-5 years, 10 years, and 20 years?

This should provide you with more clarity and also help you make the final decision, a joint decision that both of you are happy with, especially because you’d be fulfilling your long-term goals.

I hope this helps.

Luca is the founder of the Money Coaching Hub. Email him your financial questions or your response to today's question for a chance to be featured in a future column.

Disclaimer: This column is intended to provide general information on various topics related to personal finance. The information provided is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as personalised financial advice for your specific situation. Financial decisions are highly individual and can vary greatly based on your unique circumstances, goals, and risk tolerance. The author of this column is not authorised to provide financial advice. Before making any financial decisions, it is recommended to seek professional financial advice from an authorised financial advisor.