The search for true friendship must be among the most elusive endeavours for many. Defining true friendship is never easy, as different people have contrasting expectations of what friendship should be about. Acquaintances with whom we have good social interaction are not really friends. So, you are indeed lucky if you can count the number of true friends on the fingers of one hand.
Management surveys invariably conclude that workplace friendships often boost company morale and productivity while lowering workplace stress and making the daily environment more pleasant. Human interaction is necessary for any business and frequently fosters lasting bonds and friendships.
However, while work friendships have many benefits, there is a dark side to getting personal in the office. A tense atmosphere can affect everyone’s productivity when relationships go sour in the workplace. So workers must follow some basic principles for managing their workplace relationships.
Most workplace interpersonal relationships can best be described as transactional friendships: you scratch my back and I will scratch yours. Managers and supervisors with workers reporting to them must distinguish between genuine friendly interactions with their staff and flattery. While managing co-worker friendships requires thought and professionalism, friendship with people who work for you presents more unique challenges.
Most organisations have sub-cultures where one group of employees compete with another group to assert a kind of superiority in the workplace. Public sector organisations are riddled with external and internal political dynamics, frequently leading to some workers feeling ostracised because they do not belong to the ‘tribe’ that does not enjoy real or perceived political favouritism.
If you are management, setting clear employee expectations and boundaries is crucial. When managers develop a friendship with an employee, they may face accusations of bias or favouritism. This creates bad blood and places an employee in an uncomfortable position where others resent them. Such a relationship often becomes fodder for the grapevine gossip machine.
I advise anyone seeking to establish workplace friendships to watch how much you share in the workplace. Most workplace friendships start with small talk. You are likely to meet people with whom you click because of shared interests like sports or politics or because some people make you feel comfortable sharing details of their lives.
Oversharing with co-workers is a recipe for disaster that can impact the entire office and affect morale
However, in my experience, oversharing with co-workers is a recipe for disaster that can impact the entire office and affect morale. Trust is the rock base of any friendship. While many people are kind and discreet, you may encounter someone willing to use the personal or professional information you shared against you to further their ambitions. A breach of trust by a friend is enough reason to break a relationship immediately. You will be better off being friendless rather than worrying about what information you share with a treacherous, fake ‘friend’.
One must be extremely careful about what you share with co-workers – even those you consider friends. Constantly remind yourself that you are in a professional setting and refrain from sharing professional or personal information and sensitive past experiences. Similarly, never push colleagues to share information about themselves. Let relationships develop naturally and professionally. Time will tell if the workplace friendship is the real deal.
It is essential to have realistic expectations of workplace relationships. These relationships will never have the same dynamic as those forged outside the work environment. Do not expect your colleague to be your most valuable confidant. It is good to enjoy the camaraderie without placing pressure and expectations on the relationships.
When work becomes a social haven, you may lose sight of your professional duties. While pursuing bonds and having people in your corner at work is natural, remember that a work environment can foster conflicts of interest. Your loyalty must always be focused on your employer’s interests rather than your colleagues or even clients.
Look for signs that a colleague ‘friend’ is taking advantage of you, such as asking a series of favours, dumping extra work on you, taking credit for your work and shifting the blame on you when a mistake is made.
Be aware of the risk of exploitive workplace friendships that can hurt your career prospects. Keeping your interactions professional and not allowing anyone to take advantage of you helps you stay on track and head in the right direction.
One of my favourite quotes about friendship is that of the British literary critic Joun Churton Collins: “In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends.”