Congratulations to Jonathan Attard, our hard-working minister for justice. Once again, he’s shown he means business and won’t tolerate crime. He’s shown that, where necessary, he’ll show up in court himself to testify against the alleged criminal. The selfless minister tore himself away from his busy schedule to ensure his testimony will nail the alleged offender.

Malta can now rest easy, its mind at peace that it will never have to face that heinous crime again. The alleged perpetrator has been apprehended – in record time. Attard has shown the slickness of his well-oiled justice system, its amazing investigative prowess. He’s shown the world that, as promised, Malta is the best in Europe in bringing criminals to justice. He’s sent a powerful message of deterrence to future criminals – if you try such horrible crimes, you’ll be caught and punished.

That notorious criminal has finally been caught. Jason Azzopardi has been indicted. He stood impassively in the dock as he was read out the list of grave crimes he’s charged with. Those present in the courtroom were aghast in shock at the seriousness of his crimes.

Azzopardi is accused of filming the justice minister and the prime minister deep in conversation, sitting outside Hall 19. The whole clip Azzopardi allegedly filmed, using his highly sophisticated spying mobile phone, lasted an entire four seconds.

The intrepid Court Services Agency CEO, Eunice Grech Fiorini, testified that, while carrying out surveillance of all social media, online news portals, radio, TV and printed newspapers, she noticed the suspicious short clip. She noticed it herself – the OPM didn’t tell her about it.

She knew the setting of that footage – it was from inside the court. She was horrified that somebody could be so heartless, so cold, so cruel. She immediately recognised the existential threat that short clip posed to the entire country. She abandoned all her other duties and duly focused all her energy to identify the culprit.

But first she e-mailed the chief justice himself. She asked him whether he’d authorised any filming in court on December 2. She asked him whether anybody requested permission to film. He replied instantly – he hadn’t authorised any filming and had not received any such requests.

She called the court’s security officers to her office and ordered them to stop everything else and focus on reviewing the CCTV footage from the corridors of the courts. They diligently trawled through hours of CCTV footage. All the court’s security officers pored over every second of that footage, zooming in to identify random persons walking through the corridors.

Finally, they matched the exact timing of that criminal clip with their own CCTV footage. They had their man. It was Azzopardi. They had finally nabbed him. He could be seen walking along the corridor as the prime minister and his justice minister panicked over their latest setback – another court sentence in favour of the opposition – with his sophisticated phone to his ear.

With lightning speed, Malta’s elite police force sprang into action

Grech Fiorini summoned chief marshal John Micallef. He was to rush straight to the police to alert them of the appalling crime. That’s what he did. He reached the police station, breathless and sweating profusely, frantically divulging the details of what those diligent security officers had discovered.

The police officers had never seen anything like it in their long years of service. They too were horrified by the appalling crime – four whole seconds of grainy shaky footage of the great leader himself in discussion with his slightly less great justice minister.

Those police officers dropped everything to focus on the biggest crime of the century. They forgot all those money laundering, bribery and corruption cases – even those involving €400 million of fraud. They dropped domestic violence cases, drug trafficking investigations, murder inquiries, stolen historical artefacts, phantom jobs and fake consultancies. This was far more important. The nation would laud them for their courage. The people would understand the enormity of this crime.

With lightning speed, Malta’s elite police force sprang into action. Within hours, the culprit was in the dock. The justice minister himself was in court, providing first-hand testimony. He couldn’t contain his joy and jubilation that the dastardly Azzopardi was finally getting his comeuppance.

Attard was elated for his fellow countrymen. They were now rid of the evil film maker. They no longer had to lie awake at night scared stiff that Azzopardi might take another film. Minister Attard was proud of his court security officers, of the chief marshal, of the prosecution but mostly, of his diligent CEO – Grech Fiorini. He always knew he could rely on her. She’d done him proud before.

When prisoners serving long sentences at Corradino prison were allowed to vote in breach of the General Elections Act, it was Grech Fiorini who refused to answer questions from journalists. She dutifully covered up the fact that the court failed to inform the Electoral Commission about the lengthy prison sentences of criminals like Darren Debono it-Topo and Pierre Cremona ic-Cigar – thus ensuring they could still vote, probably for Labour.

When Martina Grech, Labour’s Qormi local councillor and Forum Żgħażagħ Laburisti international officer, was made public relations manager at the Court Services Agency, Grech Fiorini defended her appointment. She told journalists that Grech “possessed all the necessary qualifications” despite having no qualifications at all.

Grech Fiorini claimed that Grech was “considered the ideal candidate”. Maybe that was because she came straight from the OPM, where she was ‘Implimentation (sic) Officer’. She was such an ideal candidate that she only lasted three months at the CSA, instead taking on the role of ‘Head of Communications, Parliamentary Secretary for Youths (sic), Research and Innovation’.

Grech Fiorini defended Grech’s appointment with the CSA by claiming the CSA “gives priority to freedom of association and expression and that the selection process was not influenced by political affiliation”.

No wonder Attard is so happy with Grech Fiorini. Attard knows she’ll always do what’s expected.

She’s proven herself with the biggest scalp of all – Azzopardi.

“The court administration did what it had to do”, the minister reassured the country, “this has nothing to do with intimidation.”

No, no, no, nothing to do with intimidation at all.

Just pure desperation.

Kevin Cassar is a professor of surgery.

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