Watch: ‘We still have no idea what led Karl to suicide’

Almost a year after the sudden death of Karl Gouder, one of Malta’s most admired politicians, his family still doesn’t know what drove him to take his own life, and they are beginning to accept it may be a mystery he carried with him to the grave.

His brother, Simon Gouder, told Times Talk the family asked Karl’s friends and colleagues for any signs he might have given out in the weeks before his death. They even searched in the pockets of one of the jackets he wore to a public event days before the suicide, but there were absolutely no notes or traces he was considering the bleak decision.

“Sometimes I look at his photo and ask him: ‘What went through your head? What was weighing on you so hard that led you to that decision? What burden was so heavy you couldn’t share it with anyone?’ We met a few days before he died, on my birthday. And I keep replaying that day in my head, trying to remember if there was a moment when he seemed off,” he said. 

But Simon cannot recall ever noticing any indication of that. 

“We spoke about jogging and about how he was taking pilot lessons. It was all very normal. He had even scheduled meetings on the days and weeks following his death.

“He was even texting our family WhatsApp group the day before, joking about the weather.”

This is the first time Gouder’s family has spoken out since his death last year. His brother believes sharing their experience might help others grappling with similar grief or contemplating suicide.

Karl Gouder was found dead on September 10. The news sent shockwaves through the country, bewildered a political party that was preparing to give him one of its most powerful roles, and left his family and friends searching for answers.

Shocked and in disbelief

His brother Simon received the devastating news while he was abroad with his wife and children. 

“I got a call from our other brother, Nicky. He said: ‘Karl was found dead, and they are suspecting it’s suicide’,” he recalled. 

The news not only shocked him but brought him a great sense of disbelief.

“To me, Karl’s character and suicide could not go together. I never thought someone like Karl would get to that point.”

Karl was vibrant, joyful and loved by all, his brother said, and the fact there were no warning signs makes the family’s anguish more profound. 

The mystery is compounded by the fact that his career was flourishing. The PN had just delivered one its best electoral result in over a decade – a success he was a crucial part of – and the general secretary role he was preparing for would have been the next step up in a fairly successful career.

For many months after the tragedy, Simon desperately wanted to know what had happened, but he has come to accept he will probably never have closure and even if given the option, he would not rummage through his brother’s messages or emails to find out. “Only Karl knows the reason behind his decision,” he said. 

Brothers Karl, Nicky and Simon with their father Francis. Family photo

“If he wanted to speak out about what he was feeling, he could have done it. He was well aware help was available out there. Since he didn’t, I feel it would be disrespectful to dig into it now.”

Despite rumours that his brother might have been threatened, blackmailed or pressured in the days leading up to his death, the family and investigators have no evidence or indication of any such thing. 

“We know as much as everyone else,” he said.

He encouraged anyone struggling to seek help, sharing that he has met people who considered suicide but are now out of the woods after seeking help. 

“At least you’re still here,” he tells them. “My brother isn’t.”

Simon said that a few weeks after his brother’s death the police contacted the family to check on them and offer them help. They were put in touch with Victim Support Malta, which provided crucial assistance in their journey through grief – a gesture the family found helpful and heartwarming.

The whole family: (from left) Simon, Karl, parents Simone and Francis, and Nicky. Family photo

Times talks suicide

Simon Gouder’s interview is part of a Times Talk podcast on suicide and men’s mental health, in the wake of recent deaths that sparked widespread discussion on suicide on social media.

The podcast will also feature a short interview with a young man who survived multiple suicide attempts, and psychiatrist professor Anton Grech and Richmond Foundation CEO Daniela Calleja.

They explain why men overwhelmingly die by suicide more than women, what causes a person to get to that point, even if having shown no signs of distress, whether LGBTIQ+ people are more prone to it, and why suicide is sometimes meticulously planned and other times completely impulsive.

Catch the full episode tomorrow wherever you get your podcasts.

If you are feeling depressed and need support, or need guidance on how to help someone who is suicidal, call 1579. You can also call Richmond Malta’s helpline on 1770. One can also type OLLI.Chat on their desktop, mobile or tablet browser to chat with a professional. If you have been affected by suicide you can call Victim Support Malta on 2122 8333 or info@victimsupport.org.mt.