That’s a question that’s still all too often asked about a woman who has been a victim of domestic violence, says new commissioner Audrey Friggieri, who wants to change this attitude.

Achieving a shift away from Malta’s patriarchal culture is Audrey Friggieri’s biggest challenge as the new commissioner for domestic and gender-based violence assumes her role.

Ms Friggieri, a graduate in psychotherapy and lecturer at the university’s department of social wellbeing, succeeded Simone Azzopardi not long after the murder of Chantelle Chetcuti, whose former partner has been charged with the crime.

As she sets about consulting others in the sector and familiarising herself with her new role, she is determined to make a difference by listening to the survivors of gender-based violence. 

However, she has also set her eyes on the need to bring about a change in attitudes that put the blame on women.

“Women are still second-class citizens to many,” she says. “When people learn that a woman has filed a report about violence or has been raped, the first thing they often ask is: why don’t you take a look at what she was wearing or the way she speaks?”

“This hurts. It seems as if women can’t shake off this shadow. When a man speaks, no one bats an eyelid, but if a woman says the same thing her words are scrutinised and criticised.”

Ms Friggieri clarifies that she is not blaming individuals – the patriarchal culture is something that has been inherited down the years the world over.

While there have been positive measures, initiatives and progress thanks to the feminist movement, “we are not there yet”, she says.

Women are still second-class citizens to many

What does she plan to do about it?

Ms Friggieri wants to boost awareness of the issues through means that go beyond the school curriculum.

Awareness about gender issues and abuse is already the subject of a chapter in schoolbooks, but the bridge between theory and practice is missing, she says.

The issue, she believes, should form part of professional development training at all workplaces. This would allow employees at all grades – and not just those in managerial positions – to understand what constitutes abuse, how to recognise it among colleagues and where to seek help. 

She acknowledges resources are needed to train Malta’s workforce in this direction.

“It must start from the grassroots. Domestic violence is a phenomenon that thrives in families of all backgrounds. If we all become sensitive to this phenomenon at the place of work, it would bring about a paradigm shift.

“I know this is a tall order, but if there are resources for more training, we should invest them in training people at work. If you take care with your employees, chances are they would be more productive and efficient.” But the media also needs to step up its game.

“I often see efforts by the education sector come undone through messages passed on by the media.”

At school, students are taught about respect, emotion and diversity, she says. And then they step out into the streets and are greeted by photoshopped women used to decorate huge posters. Meanwhile, social media is rife with gender-based bullying.

She recalls cases of girls being persuaded to have topless photos taken by their partners, who would then go on to share them on social media once they break up. This turns their lives upside down and they often need therapy.

The competition between media and education is unfair, she says.

“When we open up social media on our phones, the online world just invades us.”

The actual ‘story telling’ is being done by social media. This calls for stronger media literacy, says the commissioner.

What about male victims?

“When we say violence must stop, we are not just talking about violence against women but against everyone,” says Ms Friggieri.

“I’m very conscious about male victims and I would like to know more about them. I would like to include men in the conversation, and I look forward to a scenario where there is a unit that caters specifically for male victims.”

She reiterates the importance of breaking taboos and changing the patriarchal culture.

“The ‘men don’t cry’ attitude is part of a patriarchal society. I know of boys who bear it with a stiff upper lip and go to the bathroom to cry.”

Squad to be specialised in domestic violence

There is some encouraging news for survivors of domestic violence, who often complain that the police officer to whom they file a report at a police station might know the perpetrator.

A special squad focusing on domestic violence is in the pipeline and should start operating later this year, Ms Friggieri has been informed.

This would see specially-trained officers stationed at hubs separate from local police stations. Survivors have also flagged cases of perpetrators breaching protection orders with little or no consequences.

Could e-tagging help protect them?

Ms Friggieri is still consulting about the effectiveness of e-tagging but judges have spoken to her about their concern over the fact that perpetrators who have filed an appeal are free to roam around.

Even when the woman is under a protection order, if the perpetrator is not being closely followed and monitored, this puts her and her family at great risk, even of losing her life, Ms Friggieri said.

She acknowledges there are not enough human resources to provide this kind of monitoring but promises to look into the matter.