Domestic violence commissioner Samantha Pace Gasan has spoken about how she experienced violent relationships in the past, in a bid to encourage other survivors.

The 30-year-old has encountered gender-based violence twice in her life. When she was a child, she witnessed violence towards someone close to her. She also experienced it as an adult when she was in an abusive relationship.

“I always knew something was not right. But the first time it really clicked that this was violence was during a conference by the Malta Girl Guides. They spoke about various forms of violence and the element of isolation. I realised that this was not on,” she says.

That was when she realised that her childhood memory and her relationship with her partner were abusive.

She decided to break up with her partner but soon realised she was pregnant. 

It crossed her mind to get back together with her partner for the child. “I was going to give him the chance. Which is why I understand why women find it hard to leave. But if there is one thing I’ve learnt – even through the experience of others – is that a woman should never stay for the children,” she says.

Pace Gasan miscarried the baby. It was a turning point in her life.

‘I realised I needed therapy’

She left her clerical job and dropped out of the commerce course she had been steered toward by her partner.

She took her life into her own hands and decided to follow her passion and start studying social policy.

“When I started the social policy course, I realised how much everything had affected me. I realised I needed therapy,” she says. She is still in therapy.

Meanwhile, apart from studying, Pace Gasan became involved in activism focusing on two main areas: gender equality and disability. Her youngest sister has Down Syndrome.

Pace Gasan first revealed recently on the TVM talk show Popolin that she was a domestic abuse survivor and then made reference to it during a conference that formed part of the 16 days of activism to combat gender-based and domestic violence. 

As she elaborated on why she decided to share this experience, she confesses that the decision was not easy – and it opened up past wounds – but she had a strong message to share.

“These 16 days have been emotionally exhausting. When we decided on the theme of the campaign – ‘beat the silence’ – I felt it would be hypocritical not to break my silence. I know I didn’t have to. Not everyone has to share their story publicly and they should not feel pressured. But I want victims to know that I know what it feels like.

‘I want victims to know I can understand’

“My role is about advocating to improve the system and I want victims to know I can understand. They can feel comfortable to share their experience as it can change policy,” she says adding that her personal experiences also helped inform the strategy.

Malta’s third National Strategy on Gender-Based Violence and Domestic Violence 2023-2028 was launched last week.

Apart from being a member of the Malta Girl Guides and several other non-governmental organisations, Pace Gasan has sat on the National Youth Council and Studenti Ħarsien Soċjali, and founded the Network of Young Women Leaders.

She graduated with a BA Hons in Social Policy in 2016 and later obtained a Master in Creativity and Innovation. In the latter, she focused on social innovation in small and medium enterprises.

In 2018, she collapsed while at work after suffering a rupture in the aorta – the main artery that carries blood away from the heart to the rest of the body. After several tests, she was diagnosed with Marfan Syndrome – a disorder that affects connective tissue, the fibres that support and anchor organs and other structures in the body. During an operation in the UK’s Barts Hospital, she suffered a mini-stroke during surgery that impacted her vision in her right eye.

A woman should never stay for the children- Samantha Pace Gasan

As she experienced living with a disability, she wrote about it on social media and went on to work as a researcher at the University of Malta’s Faculty for Social Wellbeing, and co-authored research into the impact of COVID-19 on people with disability. 

In 2021, she was appointed Commissioner for Persons with a Disability – a post which she held for two-and-a-half years before being appointed Commissioner for Gender-Based and Domestic Violence last July.

Her career and personal life have been intertwined, and Pace Gasan feels this gives her the energy to fight for what she believes in and the ability to understand what people are going through.

“I like to share my personal experiences because it sends a message of support,” she says.

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A poem to my perpetrators

by Samantha Pace Gasan

 

I wish you knew being asleep

didn’t mean consent,

Because you I resent.

 

I wish you didn’t leave a scar,

bigger than the one everyone can see

I wish you didn’t get better because of how proud you are

But out of your love for me.

 

I wish you didn’t cry when I could have ended up dead

Because that meant love in my head

I wish I knew then what I know now

Because hope I didn’t want to allow.

 

But most of all, I wish you can see

How knowledge has made me free

And yet with every word I utter,

I feel like a runner.

 

Because saying these words today

Is not in the right place

But till now I am not able

To say them to your face.

And now that I have wisdom,

I see you as a victim.

And that is why I’m here,

to change the patriarchal system.

 

And even though

You still don’t think there is anything to forgive

Contrary to your words,

I have so much to give.