Last week, women in Malta finally found their voice. To be precise, it was the week when their voice was finally heard by all. And it took the tragic silencing of one woman for the rest of us to scream out loud that enough is enough.
Paulina Dembska’s name has been added to a heartbreaking list of women who have been victims of femicide. She is victim number 18 since 2010, a horrific, shameful list, a chilling number for a country this small. They were not numbers. They were wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, lovers, friends. They were women who trusted, who had every right to expect to live safely without fearing for their life. Eighteen women who have been failed by the state, by society.
Misinformation and speculation abounded on social media the moment the story broke.
A multitude of fabricated stories surfaced, without a care in the world that the victim’s family and friends could see the blasphemous content.
An entire debate further ensued on whether this grossly animalistic and barbaric murder was due to the perpetrator’s mental state or whether this was cold-blooded femicide. One does not exclude the other, both notions can exist simultaneously, and, either way, such acts are incomprehensible to a lucid mind. But that’s besides the point.
By the day’s end, media houses reported that the alleged murderer had a history of online sexual harassment and a report concluded that the victim was strangled and raped. It was a heinous, brutal crime in a most bucolic setting, a public garden where children play, couples stroll, tourists take photos, joggers, dog-walkers, pensioners, teenagers frequent daily and at all times of day. An idyllic spot forever tainted by the memory of the moment Paulina’s life was taken and a nation rose in anger, disbelief and disgust.
Where do we go from here?
Our system has failed too many women- Sabine Agius Cabourdin
It is evident that something has gone horribly wrong in our society. Women activists and policymakers have harped on and on over the years about equality rights, gender discrimination and violence against women. In the last few days, scores of women have expressed their distress on social media forums, all repeating the same story of how their reports of harassment and abuse had fallen on deaf ears or were lost in convoluted police reporting systems. In November 2020, the police inaugurated a new unit to handle domestic violence and gender-based crime. Has anything changed?
FIDEM Foundation is trying to redress the narrative through its education and empowerment programme but we are only one part of the puzzle. Some of the women we have supported through FIDEM dare not take the laptops or books we give them home for fear of violent reprisals from their partners. Other women we meet are afraid of reporting abuse because of repercussions from an aggressive spouse.
One woman, whose husband broke both her hands so she could not work as a hairdresser anymore, is now studying for her GCSEs with her daughter with the support of FIDEM. Apart from educational grants and scholarships, we offer abuse victims emotional and mental support, a holistic approach to help them rebuild their life.
That same holistic approach is needed at a higher level. It is not enough to amend and promulgate laws, neither does adopting the Istanbul Convention on gender-based violence suffice. Proper enforcement and proportional punishment for gender-based offences and crimes are necessary.
More importantly, we need to go back to the classroom. Education is key to addressing the issue of male violence against women. Men have a critical role to play in advocating women’s rights and they need to learn this from an early age.
Early primary school is the time where boys begin to distance themselves from girls and from behaviours stereotypically perceived as ‘feminine’, through humiliation and bullying. My 11-year-old daughter has been subjected to male bullying in the school playground on several occasions, possibly scarring her outlook and ideology on male/female interaction for life.
Education needs to address a series of essential socio-cultural issues around gender from power relationships and inappropriate language to touching and violence. If we do not educate our children, we can never move forward. Our schools and teachers, as well as parents, youth and sports organisations, sixth forms and universities need to be equipped with the tools and training to drive home the message that abuse, be it mental or physical, of women and girls is completely unacceptable.
Our system has failed too many women. There must not be another Paulina. It is certainly going to take much more than our politicians attending vigils.
FIDEM Charity Foundation is a non-profit organisation providing educational support and empowerment opportunities to vulnerable people, especially women, adolescent girls and children. www.fidem.org.mt
Sabine Agius Cabourdin, founder, FIDEM Charity Foundation