One grim headline last week probably got lost in the fray of news about ministers and ex-ministers and their dabbling in bank heists and whatnot.

The story header I’m referring to read ‘With sutures under the eye, woman forgives partner who allegedly injured her’ and it was about a woman who sought police protection after suffering grievous facial injuries. Her partner had threatened her, insulted her and inflicted the injuries, leaving her badly bruised and in need of sutures under one eye. She survived but she could easily have been yet another fatal statistic of domestic violence.

Despite this, later in the week, in court for the arraignment of her partner, she declared that she wanted “to forgive him”.

The frustration of the prosecution was palpable – the police inspector said in court he could not understand how the victim “miraculously changed her mind” overnight and, instead of pressing charges, she wanted to forgive her abuser.

‘Forgive’ is a very loaded word.

Because of that word, the man (who had a previous criminal record) was granted bail against a deposit of a mere €1,000. He was told to live somewhere else temporarily, was ordered to observe a curfew and also to sign the bail book a mere three times a week.

This was no ‘miraculous change of mind’, this was only fear. I do not know the woman but I do know that, like all victims of domestic violence, she is petrified and I am using the present tense consciously. In her head, she hears nothing except her partner’s manipulating voice. It’s always there booming, echoing and it is that voice that she answers to not her lawyer’s, not the police inspector’s, not the social worker’s. It’s like a permanent worm living in the corridors of her brain obscuring her clarity. And that is what makes the imbalance of power.

The woman is but a shadow of herself, cowering against a looming menacing giant who has the physical and/or psychological power to take her life and her sanity away. How can we, as a society expect her to have the strength to fight back?

It is impossible. In her mind, probably infused with the trademark Catholic guilt, she thinks that her duty is to be forgiving. In fact, no. Forgiveness has nothing to do with abuse. Everyone has a right to live a life without fear and to fight for it.

This is why there is need of a pressing overhaul of the system. First and foremost, there must be more psychiatric and psychological training for those involved in the long arm of the law in order to understand the victim/perpetrator dynamics. Only that can help them tackle the situation in a way that the abusive pattern is broken.

Everyone has a right to live a life without fear and to fight for it- Kristina Chetcuti

There also needs to be a restructuring of procedure. A woman who seeks help has to retell her trauma, again and again, in front of different people. It would drain the best of us, let alone someone who has no self-esteem and no sense of who she truly is.

Perpetrators also need help. Being asked to sign the bail book on a curfew will leave them seething in rage even more. They need to be made to attend domestic violence programmes where they can learn anger management and deal with their own insecurities. Otherwise, without awareness, they’ll pass on their way of life to their children.

Which brings me to the final point: education. All children need to be taught from a young age what is acceptable in relationships and what is not. It should be part of the PSCD curriculum. It needs to be ingrained in them that obsessive behaviour is not romantic; that living in fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and unleashing the wrath of your boyfriend, partner or husband, is not normal, that inflicting physical pain is unacceptable.

Children have to be taught when and how to steer clear of toxic relationships. Love is not blind. Love is all about power balance. Love is honesty, equality and respect. Fear and forgiveness have nothing to do with it.

The Gasans’ veritaphobia

There is another kind of fear: veritaphobia. By way of example, I’ll cite the Gasans and the Tumases. Both are Malta’s top business families and, for decades, have occupied the top echelons of Maltese high society. Now, as part of the corrupt Electrogas project, they have been caught with their pants down and are scrambling for PR exercises to try and save face.

The latest stunt is that they told Paul Apap Bologna to kindly step down from being the Maltese representative on the Electrogas board, where he sits with reps from Socar and Siemens.

S-L-O-W clap.

What exactly were we meant to do with this bit of news? Swoon at their gentlemanliness?

They should all have resigned the minute their business partner, Yorgen Fenech was charged with his alleged role in the assassination of Daphne Caruana Galizia. Instead, the Gasans and the Tumases took this pathetic step just the other day and only after the exposure of Apap Bologna’s secret company (Kittiwake).

To add insult to injury, this resignation came with the small print: Apap Bologna still remains as director and shareholder of GEM holdings, the Maltese group of shareholders of Electrogas, that is, himself, the Gasans and the Tumases. In short, they’re a boardroom of ball-less opportunists.  

Meanwhile, Apap Bologna’s testimony before parliament’s public accounts committee is symptomatic of his born-with-a-silver-spoon mentality and his inability to take responsibility for his actions. He pays a lawyer vast sums of money so he can stay mum, while she invokes his right to silence to avoid self-incrimination.

I always fail to understand this. If you are innocent, you cannot incriminate yourself by speaking; if anything, you’d want the truth to come out.

Clearly, Apap Bologna and his business partner families fear it.

krischetcuti@gmail.com
twitter: @krischetcuti