Do you remember the good old days, when you’d try to get out of PE or a test at school? You’d magically get period pains if you were a girl, or stomach cramps if you were a boy.

I remember one showstopping performance I gave which I’m still sad I didn’t get an Oscar for. There I was in white trousers, proclaiming that I wouldn’t make it past the day if I was forced to sit for yet another test. Twenty years later, I’m still not sure how no one cottoned on to my not-so-cunning ploy. Maybe that’s why I find myself so outraged by this week’s news: as the saying goes, you can’t con a con.

There is a mysterious illness sweeping the political class in Malta, one that appears to manifest itself when people are called to be held accountable.

A few years ago, John Dalli, for example, may or may not have grown female genitalia overnight and got a sick note from his gynaecologist which excused him from being questioned. Just two days ago, Konrad Mizzi too was hospitalised on the eve of him having to be part of the PAC hearing. Perhaps the thought of putting himself through another two-hour rambling monologue made him as faint as it made me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, everyone gets sick, but I’m always aghast at how well they get the timing.

You’d think, of course, that the Maltese public would be up in arms at constantly being made fools of, but then again, the culture of the “miskin” is strong with us. No one loves a good sob story more than us, and the more miserable and downtrodden the protagonists are, the wider we open our arms and our pockets. As long as I don’t think you’re better off than me, I am more than happy to excuse you of any crime under the sun.

It’s just a little pathetic and slightly more unbelievable when you see grown men saying that they are being bullied and victimised, when these are the same people who have been running your country into the ground. I suppose this is what happens when you treat men like gods for so long: they start to believe that they actually are.

Apparently, it’s numbers that dictate whether something is wrong or right, not the action itself- Anna Marie Galea

We have even extended this popularity contest to our prisons it would seem. Despite the fact that our prison chief has suspended himself in order for an investigation to take place around the high number of suicides taking place under his watch, people are arguing that since a huge number of inmates have signed a petition for him to be reinstated, then there’s no point in examining this further.

Without going into the merits of what is actually going on behind prison walls, yes, apparently, it’s numbers that dictate whether something is wrong or right, not the action itself. No wonder the country is in this dire state with such a warped, lacklustre understanding of right and wrong. It’s like saying that Hitler was right to order the deaths of so many people because he was democratically elected.

How chilling it is to think that the vast majority of the country is literally going out to vote to tell the world that they are legitimising all the shady deals and disgusting things that have come to light in the past years. I suppose there truly is no greater motivator than spite.

Here’s to everyone’s continued good health and prosperity; you can’t go to prison if you’re in hospital.