Welcome to The Money Coach, a Times of Malta column where readers can ask questions about life's money issues. Send your questions about personal finances, inheritance, gifting or other personal finance topics to moneycoach@timesofmalta.com. 

Dear Luca,

I read one of your recent responses on this column, in which a woman said she felt helpless because she was not working, and hence not contributing to the family financially.

That relates to my own dilemma, albeit in a different manner. I am a mother and a professional lawyer, with a husband who also works in the legal field. I am increasingly finding it difficult to reconcile my role as a career person with the need to be the main caregiver for our children

When I think about quitting my job, the prospect elicits fears similar to that of this woman… I fear losing my independence, which I have always nurtured, and the self-esteem that comes with it. This is in spite of the fact that my husband and I have been married for several years and our relationship is very strong. But the thought of being solely dependent on him financially makes me feel anxious.

How can I tackle this situation in a way that makes sense both financially and also from a relationship point of view?

Is there a way for me to fulfil my role as a mother without sacrificing my career or my sense of financial autonomy? How do I find that elusive middle ground where personal fulfilment and professional success can coexist without compromise?

Warm regards,

A Mother Striving for Balance

Luca responds:

I can greatly empathise with your situation. Last year, my wife was forced to take a break from her full-time job to care for our young daughter, as she suffered from sensory issues. This plunged our relationship into uncharted waters in financial terms. For the first time since we married, I became the main breadwinner. The biggest challenge was not just financial, it was also emotional.

Good, joint financial planning was a great factor that helped us throughout that year, but when it comes to the emotional side, I would constant communication played a great role in keeping the equilibrium and harmony in the relationship.

And this leads me to an important question I have for you:

How often do you and your husband sit down to discuss your finances, dreams, and the fears you may have about them?

In my experience with coaching numerous couples, I have found that regular and in-depth conversations about money can significantly strengthen a relationship.

Apart from constant and open communication with your partner, something else you might wish to explore is having flexible working arrangements. Nowadays many companies offer hybrid working options, and this could be something you can consider. It could give you more time with your children, without forcing you to give up your job.

I do a lot of joint financial planning with my wife, and I find that this aspect is crucial in many relationships. Open and regular discussions about finances, in which both of you contribute to a joint vision for your family’s future will definitely lessen your sense of discomfort about losing financial independence. I would also consider maintaining a personal account, alongside your joint accounts, and supplement it regularly. This will reduce the sense of dependency. It’s all psychological, you might say, but I have found that such little things help a lot and can be game-changers in any relationship.

Furthermore, consider building a financial vision board with your husband. It ensures that you’re always on the same page, whatever challenges you face. Having an agreed upon vision for your finances also makes such dreams more achievable as you are both working together to achieve them.

You don’t face an easy choice, but you are not alone. I am increasingly coming across many cases in which women with successful careers wish to be main caregivers, while at the same time keeping their careers on track. Some make it work through the increasing flexible arrangements companies are offering to their employees, others choose to take a career break. For the latter, the pointers I covered, especially constant communication, joint financial planning and having that vision board which unites are crucial.

How would you and your partner tackle a similar shift in financial dynamics? What steps would you take to maintain both financial independence and a nurturing family environment?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and strategies, as sharing these insights can be incredibly valuable to others in similar situations. Email me your thoughts at moneycoach@timesofmalta.com .

Luca is the founder of the Money Coaching Hub. Email him your financial questions or your response to today's question for a chance to be featured in a future column.

Disclaimer: This column is intended to provide general information on various topics related to personal finance. The information provided is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as personalised financial advice for your specific situation. Financial decisions are highly individual and can vary greatly based on your unique circumstances, goals, and risk tolerance. The author of this column is not authorised to provide financial advice. Before making any financial decisions, it is recommended to seek professional financial advice from an authorised financial advisor.