Schools are generally expected to provide a moral compass for young people. The recent ‘World Kindness Day’ brought with it an opportunity to highlight the importance of empathy, compassion and generosity. Kindness is an essential component to the success of an inclusive school and underpins positive behaviour expectations.
Every class will have an introvert staying quiet, an extrovert seeking attention, perhaps a child with a neurodiversity, another with growing pains or simply a bit different. Growing up is all about working out your identity, how you fit in, where you belong.
As we grow up, we learn how to socialise and interact with others, sometimes unkindly. Children tend to get mean for a range of reasons – the role models around them; lack of support, love; or maybe boredom. Perhaps hormones are causing chaos in their brains, leading to impulsivity and inappropriate comments spilling out; or maybe it is a defence mechanism.
Schools always strive to be a place of safety and have a responsibility for the emotional welfare of their students. They have anti-bullying policies to reinforce their stance and guide any consequences. Equally, all schools must navigate the challenges of children working out social dynamics, peer pressure, and in severe cases, insults or threats.
If we can give them a sense of being part of something bigger than themselves, they can become caring citizens
Bullying is a serious concern as it involves repetitive harmful and intimidating behaviour. Unravelling the levels of inappropriate and serious behaviours is part of our remit. While the younger years scenarios may play out in a minor way in the playground, they can be swiftly addressed.
In secondary, it is more likely to move into the shadows; victims might suffer quietly, peer pressure in play, until they come forward or there is evidence of the perpetrator’s actions. Cyberbullying has escalated within teenage online chats; texts outside of school becoming vicious rhetoric.
Parents in many cases don’t realise the unpleasant way some teenagers communicate, as they rarely check their child’s messages. Once discovered, the school needs to tackle the issue, although happening on the outside, it is a community matter seeping into the well-being of students at school.
In all cases, the victim requires support and counselling, as self-confidence is often damaged and self-esteem needs rebuilding. Nevertheless, the perpetrators equally need help; to reflect and understand what made them behave in that way. There is no such thing as a bad child, it is the bad behaviour that needs addressing.
It is crucial for parents to work in partnership with the school on helping the child get to know themselves and take responsibility for their choices. This takes time, strategies and patience, as young people often do not have the maturity, let alone the empathy required to see the impact of their actions.
Investing in a restorative practice approach across the school can help all students build positive relationships with their peers and resolve conflicts constructively. Students can be helped to become upstanders by stepping in when someone starts to be mean, especially online, when there is no adult to intervene.
At Verdala International School (VIS), we focus on belonging as the key to inclusion and positive self-esteem. We encourage our students to get involved; to be part of something that matters.
This month, the focus was ‘Reach Out to Help Out’ at VIS, from ages three to 18; we reminded ourselves why kindness is important and how we can all be ‘contributors’, a fundamental VIS value.
The students engage frequently with the essential work of local charities. Service learning underpins our IB curriculum where there is an expectation for all students to engage in meaningful action, such as the Middle School community project or through a CAS activity (Creativity-Action-Service) at sixth-form level.
The Duke of Edinburgh journey has been another excellent way for young people to take ownership of a good cause. Partnering with local organisations through our recent community fair showcased opportunities for our students to connect with the many Maltese initiatives that make a difference.
While young people can be self-absorbed, guiding them towards the outside world helps them step away from their personal issues. If we can give them a sense of being part of something bigger than themselves, they can become caring citizens. As they contribute to society, kindness comes with practice.
Totty Aris is head of Verdala International School.